- Drew Carey: And by the way, if you're watching the TV show in Beirut, for God's sakes, turn off your TV and move. I mean, God, what do we have to tell you?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Newsflash", Colin is standing in front of footage of sports bloopers] Colin, I understand that you've been walking there all day and your feet are sore, and I know what it's like to have the agony of de feet.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "If actors were completely honest during their award acceptance speeches."
- Ryan Stiles: There's someone under my podium.
- Wayne Brady: [sighs happily] Wow, um, I'd like to thank the dark one, for...
- [audience laughs]
- Wayne Brady: This is, uh...
- Colin Mochrie: Man, you don't know how many butts I've had my dick up just to get this.
- Wayne Brady: It's been an honor working with Colin Mochrie all these years.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Odd things for a lounge singer to sing about."
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] I passed a stone today, I passed a stone today.
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] It's time, for a prostate examination.
- Wayne Brady: [singing] Don't stand behind me after I get finished eating, trust me, it's not good, because I'll blow your hair off, pfft, yes indeed! Because I-
- [Drew buzzes him out]
- Chip Esten: [singing] Cannibalism... cannibalism... gotta go.
- Wayne Brady: [mimes playing a piano flourish]
- [singing]
- Wayne Brady: These words, they come so whimsically, I know your wife biblically, but please...
- [cracks up]
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] I'd love to see, Phyllis Diller in spandex...
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Newsflash", to Chip] Well who gave you the nickel? Everybody!
- [laughs]
- Chip Esten: [chuckles] I don't get it.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hoedown", about The Backstreet Boys]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: A lot of people think that they're the best ones in the land. / But The Backstreet Boys aren't my kind of band. / Many people think that they are Heaven-sent, / but you're not a band unless you play an instrument.