Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV Series)

Show No. 516 (2003)

Ryan Stiles: Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Drew Carey : [to the audience, before "Greatest Hits"]  Now gimme an example of a country with a lot of history in it.

  [an audience member shouts "Norway!"] 

  Drew Carey : Norway, Norway, good idea, Norway, good for you.

  [Colin laughs] 

  Drew Carey : Now, these guys are gonna pretend to be, uh, infomercial pitch men trying to sell you a compilation album called "Songs of Norway".

  Colin Mochrie : We're screwed.

  Drew Carey : [laughs]  Yeah? You think, you think if YOU'RE screwed, how would you like to be Wayne and Jeff? Uh... you guys are gonna make up names of songs, based on songs of the CD "Songs of Norway", and then Wayne and Jeff- you're gonna pick a style of music and Wayne and Jeff are gonna have to make up a SONG about it...

  Ryan Stiles : We've all played the game before, Drew.

• Jeff Davis : [in "Let's Make a Date"]  Bachelor number three.

  Ryan Stiles : Yes.

  Jeff Davis : In the land where I come from, we are very traditional. What is one of your strange traditions that you have?

  Ryan Stiles : Well...

  [text below Ryan says "witch who entices the beast to her magic sleeping stool then must find his true love to break the spell & turn him into a prince"] 

  Ryan Stiles : I'm just leaving a little time so everyone can read the NOVEL that is my suggestion.

• Drew Carey : [after "Let's Make a Date"]  Good luck with Ryan's.

  Jeff Davis : Ryan...

  Ryan Stiles : It's a trilogy.

  Drew Carey : Yeah.

  Jeff Davis : Uh, he was a hypnotist...

  Drew Carey : No!

  Jeff Davis : [hangs his head in shame]  He was a hypnotist...

  Drew Carey : No!

  Jeff Davis : ...Who wanted people to find true love with each other.

  Drew Carey : Well, it says HERE: He was a "witch who entices the beast to her magic sleeping stool, and then..."

  [Ryan looks at his watch and gives an exhausted look] 

  Drew Carey : "... must find his true love to break the spell and turn 'em into a prince." So you were WRONG, my friend! Wrong, wrong, wrong!

  [after the performers return to their seats] 

  Drew Carey : Man, you got- somebody's gotta make these things shorter.

  Ryan Stiles : [to off-screen stage hand]  Can I get a SCOTCH?

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Newsflash", amidst footage of skateboarding bloopers]  There's a lot of stuff we can't use in there, but we'll wipe it out later.

• Jeff Davis : [the "Scenes from a Hat" suggestion is "Things that make the audience boo"]  Okay, so we have our potatoes simmering. Now, after we've filleted the baby seal...

  [audience laughs/boos] 

  Ryan Stiles : You simply wait for traffic, then you... push the old lady! Push the old lady!

  [audience laughs/boos; Ryan is puzzled by the mixed reaction] 

  Ryan Stiles : Not lookin' for applause on that one, I was...

  Jeff Davis : And the Oscar for Best Actor goes to... Keanu Reeves.

  [audience laughs/boos] 

• Ryan Stiles : [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of Norway]  Norway! A country far, far away. A place where many songs have been written about. And the subjects, oh! They flow like water through the Norwegian... the area where the water flows.

  Colin Mochrie : You know, there are many artists that have put together over 15,000 songs of Norway. I bet you can't even come up with THREE. But WE'VE come up with 15,000.