The Simpsons (TV Series)

Blame It on Lisa (2002)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Itchy, Telemarketer, Co-Pilot, Waiter, Police Chief, Shooting Victim, Man on Fire

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : Don't you know the boys from Brazil are little Hitlers? I saw it in a movie whose name I can't remember.

• Marge Simpson : It's awfully expensive to fly to Brazil.

  Lisa Simpson : Not if we buy our tickets on the internet. It's really cheap if we change planes in Phoenix, Honolulu, Sun City, and East St. Louis, spend the night in a haunted house, and leave right now.

  Homer Simpson : Then it's settled. The Simpsons are going to Brazil.

  Bart Simpson : And I'll have been on every continent.

  Lisa Simpson : Except Antarctica.

  Homer Simpson : The Simpsons are going to Antarctica.

  [brief pause] 

  Homer Simpson : Next year. This year, Brazil.

• Homer Simpson : Hello, Flanders. I need 100 grand.

  Ned Flanders : Well, I don't really have that much, but, uh, if you need it that bad, you'll be in my prayers.

  Homer Simpson : Go suck a Bible.

• Lisa Simpson : Why must you fight with every utility?

  Homer Simpson : I told you. I have too much time on my hands.

• Kidnapper #2 : I have sent the ransom note. If your family wants to see you alive again, they would be wise to pay.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I don't know. They've been seeing me alive for free for a long time.

• Homer Simpson : Bart, did you make a prank call to Brazil?

  Bart Simpson : No, sir. I didn't.

  Homer Simpson : CHOKE ON YOUR LIES!

  [strangles Bart] 

• Marge Simpson : Can we have another baby?

  Homer Simpson : No way! I still haven't lost the weight I put on from the last one.

• Homer Simpson : Taxi!

  [gets into taxi] 

  Kidnapper : [points gun at Homer]  My American friend, I'm afraid that this is a kidnapping.

  Homer Simpson : So that means I don't have to pay the fare?

  Kidnapper : I... I suppose.

  Homer Simpson : Woo-hoo!

• Kidnapper : Behold... the Amazon! But quick, because we are burning it down.

  Homer Simpson : Listen, I really need a rest stop.

  Kidnapper #2 : Again?

  Homer Simpson : I have a bladder the size of a Brazil nut.

  Kidnapper : Uh... We just call them nuts here.

• Bart Simpson : [flying to Brazil]  Get ready, Brazil. I now speak fluent Spanish.

  Marge Simpson : Well done, Bart. But in Brazil, they speak Portuguese.

  Bart Simpson : [in Spanish]  Ay, caramba, que mujer tonta! Viente horas estudiar por nada!

  Homer Simpson : Forget every word, boy. It's useless.

  Marge Simpson : But, Homer...

  Homer Simpson : [threateningly]  I said forget it!

  Bart Simpson : [hitting himself in the head with the seat phone]  All gone.

• Marge Simpson : What a charming neighborhood.

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, these are slums. The government just painted them bright colors so the tourists wouldn't be offended.

  Marge Simpson : Works for me.

  Bart Simpson : Yeah, check out the rats.

  Homer Simpson : [seeing colored rats scurrying by]  Ooh, they look like Skittles.

• Lisa Simpson : Okay, here are some travel tips. Only drink bottled water, don't get into an unlicensed taxi, and remember, they have winter during our summer.

  Homer : Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So in August, it's cold?

  Lisa Simpson : That's right.

  Homer : And in February, it's hot?

  Lisa Simpson : Mm-hmm.

  Homer : So it's opposite land! Crooks chase cops, cats have puppies...

  Lisa Simpson : No, dad, it's just the weather.

  Homer : So hot snow falls up?

  Lisa Simpson : [sighing]  Yes.

  Homer : Whoo-hoo!

• Homer Simpson : Look, Marge, I'm Brazilian.

  [trying to kick his suitcase like a soccer ball, it falls on the floor and the contents spill out] 

  Lisa Simpson : [picking up a book]  "How to Loot Brazil"?

  Homer Simpson : [quickly taking it back]  I got it! I got it! I got it!

• Lisa Simpson : [arriving in Brazil and seeing Christ the Redeemer]  Look, it's the giant statue of Christ on Corcovado.

  Homer Simpson : Wow. It's like he's on the dashboard of the entire country.

• Lisa : I'm trying to call Janey, but I can't get a dial tone.

  Marge : Your father refuses to pay the bill, so the company cut our phone lines.

  Lisa : [sighs]  Why must you fight every utility?

  Homer : [annoyed]  I told you, I have too much free time.

• Homer Simpson : [after getting electrocuted on a telephone pole]  How did I get here?

  Bart Simpson : We found you smoldering in the bushes.

  Marge Simpson : That's it. We're just going to have to pay for that call to Brazil.

  Lisa Simpson : [guiltily]  What call to Brazil?

  Homer Simpson : The one I didn't make, and Marge didn't make, and Bart didn't make, and hence no one in the house made.

  Lisa Simpson : Uh-oh.

  Marge Simpson : You made that call? But you're the good one.

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, the one we both like.

  Marge Simpson : Why did you do it?

  Lisa Simpson : Please don't be mad. I've been sponsoring an orphan boy in Brazil.

• Homer Simpson : Oh, that poor little boy. We've got to find him. How many people live in Brazil?

  Lisa Simpson : 156 million.

  Homer Simpson : [nervously]  Ooh...

  Bart Simpson : Well, we've got to find him.

  [the family stares] 

  Bart Simpson : What? I'm really concerned.

  [they continue to stare] 

  Bart Simpson : [resigned]  Fine. I want to meet monkeys.

• Lindsey Neagle : Hello, I'm your customer service rep, Lindsey Neagle.

  Marge Simpson : We've met you many times, Ms. Neagle. Why do you keep changing jobs?

  Lindsey Neagle : I'm a sexual predator.

  Marge Simpson : Oh.

  Lindsey Neagle : Now, how may I best dispense with you today?

  Marge Simpson : We've been charged for calls to Brazil that we didn't make.

  Homer Simpson : We are not paying this bill.

  Lindsey Neagle : Fine. I'll cut off your service.

  Homer Simpson : Fine. I'll cut off your ponytail.

  Marge Simpson : Homer!

  Homer Simpson : [quietly]  Marge, it's called negotiating.

• Homer Simpson : [climbing a telephone pole]  Free service, here we come. All right, let's try the red one.

  [he plugs a cable in and gets zapped with electricity] 

  Homer Simpson : Okay, I'll try the green.

  [getting zapped again] 

  Homer Simpson : Let's try the red one again.

  [getting zapped a third time] 

  Homer Simpson : Oh, not again! Let's try them together.

  [getting zapped, he flies off the pole] 

  Homer Simpson : [climbing back up]  Maybe the red one.

  [he gets zapped] 

• Lenny : Homer, we were cleaning out a cooling duct at the plant and found a box of old taco shells.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, why didn't you call me?

  Lenny : Oh, we tried, but a recording said you were a bunch of deadbeats.

  Homer Simpson : That's it. They have awoken a sleeping giant.

  Marge Simpson : Homer, what are you going to do?

  Bart Simpson : [crossing his fingers]  Crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme...

  Homer Simpson : Get me tools and beer.

  Bart Simpson : Yes!

• Marge Simpson : It says here we can get anywhere we want by taking a conga line.

  Homer Simpson : [already doing so]  Way ahead of you, Marge.

  [humming in time with the rhythm] 

  Homer Simpson : Take me to the hotel/My hands are on a guy's ass/Boy, this dude must work out.