- Kidnapper: [opens suitcase full of money] Ahh, look at all that pink and purple. Our money sure is gay.
- Homer Simpson: Don't you know the boys from Brazil are little Hitlers? I saw it in a movie whose name I can't remember.
- Marge Simpson: It's awfully expensive to fly to Brazil.
- Lisa Simpson: Not if we buy our tickets on the internet. It's really cheap if we change planes in Phoenix, Honolulu, Sun City, and East St. Louis, spend the night in a haunted house, and leave right now.
- Homer Simpson: Then it's settled. The Simpsons are going to Brazil.
- Bart Simpson: And I'll have been on every continent.
- Lisa Simpson: Except Antarctica.
- Homer Simpson: The Simpsons are going to Antarctica.
- [brief pause]
- Homer Simpson: Next year. This year, Brazil.
- Homer Simpson: Hello, Flanders. I need 100 grand.
- Ned Flanders: Well, I don't really have that much, but, uh, if you need it that bad, you'll be in my prayers.
- Homer Simpson: Go suck a Bible.
- Lisa Simpson: Why must you fight with every utility?
- Homer Simpson: I told you. I have too much time on my hands.
- Kidnapper #2: I have sent the ransom note. If your family wants to see you alive again, they would be wise to pay.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, I don't know. They've been seeing me alive for free for a long time.
- Ronaldo: I tried to write, but I didn't know what state you lived in.
- Lisa Simpson: It's a bit of a mystery, yes, but if you look at the clues, you can figure it out.
- Homer Simpson: Bart, did you make a prank call to Brazil?
- Bart Simpson: No, sir. I didn't.
- Homer Simpson: CHOKE ON YOUR LIES!
- [strangles Bart]
- Marge Simpson: Can we have another baby?
- Homer Simpson: No way! I still haven't lost the weight I put on from the last one.
- Homer Simpson: Taxi!
- [gets into taxi]
- Kidnapper: [points gun at Homer] My American friend, I'm afraid that this is a kidnapping.
- Homer Simpson: So that means I don't have to pay the fare?
- Kidnapper: I... I suppose.
- Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!
- Kidnapper: Behold... the Amazon! But quick, because we are burning it down.
- Homer Simpson: Listen, I really need a rest stop.
- Kidnapper #2: Again?
- Homer Simpson: I have a bladder the size of a Brazil nut.
- Kidnapper: Uh... We just call them nuts here.
- Ronaldo: I make as much as Malcolm in the Middle, and because I have no parents, my earnings remain unstolen.
- Bart Simpson: [flying to Brazil] Get ready, Brazil. I now speak fluent Spanish.
- Marge Simpson: Well done, Bart. But in Brazil, they speak Portuguese.
- Bart Simpson: [in Spanish] Ay, caramba, que mujer tonta! Viente horas estudiar por nada!
- Homer Simpson: Forget every word, boy. It's useless.
- Marge Simpson: But, Homer...
- Homer Simpson: [threateningly] I said forget it!
- Bart Simpson: [hitting himself in the head with the seat phone] All gone.
- Marge Simpson: What a charming neighborhood.
- Lisa Simpson: Mom, these are slums. The government just painted them bright colors so the tourists wouldn't be offended.
- Marge Simpson: Works for me.
- Bart Simpson: Yeah, check out the rats.
- Homer Simpson: [seeing colored rats scurrying by] Ooh, they look like Skittles.
- Lisa Simpson: Okay, here are some travel tips. Only drink bottled water, don't get into an unlicensed taxi, and remember, they have winter during our summer.
- Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So in August, it's cold?
- Lisa Simpson: That's right.
- Homer: And in February, it's hot?
- Lisa Simpson: Mm-hmm.
- Homer: So it's opposite land! Crooks chase cops, cats have puppies...
- Lisa Simpson: No, dad, it's just the weather.
- Homer: So hot snow falls up?
- Lisa Simpson: [sighing] Yes.
- Homer: Whoo-hoo!
- Homer Simpson: Look, Marge, I'm Brazilian.
- [trying to kick his suitcase like a soccer ball, it falls on the floor and the contents spill out]
- Lisa Simpson: [picking up a book] "How to Loot Brazil"?
- Homer Simpson: [quickly taking it back] I got it! I got it! I got it!
- Lisa Simpson: [arriving in Brazil and seeing Christ the Redeemer] Look, it's the giant statue of Christ on Corcovado.
- Homer Simpson: Wow. It's like he's on the dashboard of the entire country.
- Lisa Simpson: Excuse me. We're looking for this little boy.
- Nun: Ah, yes, Ronaldo. He went out months ago and we haven't heard from him since. Every day, we light a candle for him.
- Bart Simpson: Have you tried looking for him?
- Nun: That's plan B.
- Homer Simpson: [after getting electrocuted on a telephone pole] How did I get here?
- Bart Simpson: We found you smoldering in the bushes.
- Marge Simpson: That's it. We're just going to have to pay for that call to Brazil.
- Lisa Simpson: [guiltily] What call to Brazil?
- Homer Simpson: The one I didn't make, and Marge didn't make, and Bart didn't make, and hence no one in the house made.
- Lisa Simpson: Uh-oh.
- Marge Simpson: You made that call? But you're the good one.
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, the one we both like.
- Marge Simpson: Why did you do it?
- Lisa Simpson: Please don't be mad. I've been sponsoring an orphan boy in Brazil.
- Lisa Simpson: Ronaldo used to send me a letter every month, but then they stopped. That's why I called the orphanage. But they said he'd disappeared.
- Marge Simpson: How come you talked for $400?
- Lisa Simpson: Well, then they started pressuring me for more donations. And you can't hang up on a nun.
- Marge Simpson: That's right. They have powers.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, that poor little boy. We've got to find him. How many people live in Brazil?
- Lisa Simpson: 156 million.
- Homer Simpson: [nervously] Ooh...
- Bart Simpson: Well, we've got to find him.
- [the family stares]
- Bart Simpson: What? I'm really concerned.
- [they continue to stare]
- Bart Simpson: [resigned] Fine. I want to meet monkeys.
- Lindsey Neagle: Hello, I'm your customer service rep, Lindsey Neagle.
- Marge Simpson: We've met you many times, Ms. Neagle. Why do you keep changing jobs?
- Lindsey Neagle: I'm a sexual predator.
- Marge Simpson: Oh.
- Lindsey Neagle: Now, how may I best dispense with you today?
- Marge Simpson: We've been charged for calls to Brazil that we didn't make.
- Homer Simpson: We are not paying this bill.
- Lindsey Neagle: Fine. I'll cut off your service.
- Homer Simpson: Fine. I'll cut off your ponytail.
- Marge Simpson: Homer!
- Homer Simpson: [quietly] Marge, it's called negotiating.
- Homer Simpson: [climbing a telephone pole] Free service, here we come. All right, let's try the red one.
- [he plugs a cable in and gets zapped with electricity]
- Homer Simpson: Okay, I'll try the green.
- [getting zapped again]
- Homer Simpson: Let's try the red one again.
- [getting zapped a third time]
- Homer Simpson: Oh, not again! Let's try them together.
- [getting zapped, he flies off the pole]
- Homer Simpson: [climbing back up] Maybe the red one.
- [he gets zapped]
- Lenny: Homer, we were cleaning out a cooling duct at the plant and found a box of old taco shells.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, why didn't you call me?
- Lenny: Oh, we tried, but a recording said you were a bunch of deadbeats.
- Homer Simpson: That's it. They have awoken a sleeping giant.
- Marge Simpson: Homer, what are you going to do?
- Bart Simpson: [crossing his fingers] Crazy scheme, crazy scheme, crazy scheme...
- Homer Simpson: Get me tools and beer.
- Bart Simpson: Yes!
- Marge Simpson: It says here we can get anywhere we want by taking a conga line.
- Homer Simpson: [already doing so] Way ahead of you, Marge.
- [humming in time with the rhythm]
- Homer Simpson: Take me to the hotel/My hands are on a guy's ass/Boy, this dude must work out.
- Captain: Everyone thinks they can learn our language on the Plane! Do you know how disrespectful that is?