- Doug Heffernan: [to Sarah] And no more soapy shower silhouettes getting me all hot when I'm trying to shave.
- [Carrie glares]
- Doug Heffernan: You got that, Arthur?
- Arthur Spooner: I got two words for you: I'm staying right here!
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: That's four words.
- Arthur Spooner: Oh, is it? Then I got another four words: Screw you!
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: Well, that's two words.
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: I have a surprise for you.
- Doug Heffernan: You're pregnant. Yes!
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: No.
- Doug Heffernan: Thank God!
- Carrie Spooner Heffernan: The last time Tessie left you alone for two minutes, she found you shingling the roof with no pants... and no shingles.