- Arnold Horshack: I'm Arnold Horshack, the last.
- Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo de Huevos Epstein: Why the last, Horschack?
- Arnold Horshack: Cuz when they made me, they broke the mold.
- Gabe Kotter: James Buchanan is not anywhere. It's in Bensonhurst, which is in Brooklyn, which is where I spent four degenerate years as a student. You know how rough that is? The gangs there don't use guns. They insert the bullets manually.
- Gabe Kotter: Julie, baby, if it wasn't for you...
- Julie Kotter: What?
- Gabe Kotter: I would've married someone else.
- Mr. Michael Woodman: Remember my motto: Conquer thyself, Kotter. Conquer thyself.
- Gabe Kotter: Right here in the hall?
- [Gabe Kotter and Vice Principal Woodman are discussing Kotter's past as a 'Sweathog' at Buchanan High School]
- Mr. Michael Woodman: What about the cafeteria riot?
- Gabe Kotter: The cafeteria riot? I was there, okay. I was an innocent bystander.
- Mr. Michael Woodman: Were it not for my faulty memory, I would seem to remember you bystanding on top of a table, shouting "Charge!"
- Gabe Kotter: That wasn't me, Mr. Woodman. That was Crazy Delaney.
- Mr. Michael Woodman: No, no, Kotter. Delaney was the maniac who dropped two teachers of different weights from the gymnasium window to see if they hit the ground at the same time. He said it was a physics experiment.