The Simpsons (TV Series)

The War of the Simpsons (1991)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble, Imaginary Party Guest #3, Grampa Simpson, John

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Homer lies in a drunken heap] 

  Marge : I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

  Homer : Why, what did you do?

• Homer : Now, about last night. You might've noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.

  Bart : I understand why. You were wasted.

  Homer : I admit it - I didn't know when to say when. Sorry it happened and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.

  Bart : Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.

  Homer : Aww.

• Ned Flanders : [Ned is telling Reverand Lovejoy what he doesn't like about Maude]  Maude, God blees her... She's always marking passages in my bible.

  Homer : It's a good thing you don't have guns in the house.

• Marge : [about Homer]  It's just that he's so self-centered!

  Homer : [covers his face]  Buh, wait, oh!

  Reverend Lovejoy : Now, Homer...

  Marge : He forgets birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, both religious and secular. He chews with his mouth open. He gambles. He hangs out in a seedy bar with bums and lowlifes!

  Homer : It's true, it's true. It's all true.

  [crying] 

  Reverend Lovejoy : Homer, don't interrupt.

  Homer : Sorry.

  [stop fake crying] 

  Marge : He blows his nose on the towels and puts them back in the middle!

  Homer : I only did that a couple of times!

• Homer : I promised I'd never eat? You lie!

• Homer : [inebriated off Flanders' punch, speaking to one of the guests]  I've been wantin' to tell you off for years, but I never had the nerve!

  Marge's Friend : [worriedly]  Homer, I don't know you. My wife and your wife are friends. We met just three hours ago...

  Homer : You... stink! You and your whole lousy operation stinks! I QUIT!

  Marge's Friend : Uh... gee, don't - don't quit.

  Homer : Alright then.

  [he staggers over to Maude, eyes twitching slightly] 

  Homer : Could you... give me a... handful of peanuts... Maude?

  Maude Flanders : Oh, sure.

  Homer : Not those peanuts. The ones at the bottom...

  Maude Flanders : Oh, okay.

  [Homer sees her cleavage and gurgles. Marge watches, getting increasingly annoyed] 

• Marge : Call this number of Grandpa falls in the bathroom.

  [quietly to Bart and Lisa] 

  Grampa Simpson : I heard that!

• Marge : Do we have enough glasses?

  Homer : Do we have enough gag ice cubes?

  Marge : Homer, put a record on.

  Homer : What are all our friends' names again?

• Barney Gumble : Is that new kind of mace? It's really painful.

  [after one of Marge's sisters sprays him in the eyes for flirting with them] 

• Imaginary Party Guest #3 : [Reacting to Homer's drunken prank]  I pronounce it to be the most whimsical jape of the season!

• Barney Gumble : [drunkenly flirting with Patty]  Hey you're Homer's sister in law right?, I remember you, but I don't remember you being so beauti-

  [belches] 

  Barney Gumble : ful

  [Patty sprays him with mace causing him to go into a coughing and burping fit]