- Mike Stivic: Why are you so cruel to midgets? What have they ever done to you?
- Archie Bunker: Oh very little.
- Archie Bunker: That's a great picture there. That's one of the greatest pictures ever made. If I was the Japs, I would give that picture the Jap Academy Reward.
- Archie Bunker: Can you believe a family of midgets by the name of the Bambinis?
- Gloria Stivic: No.
- Archie Bunker: Sure. You couldn't tell the parents from the kids until the old man lit up a cigar. They was walking around here talking about lowering all the door knobs.
- Gloria Stivic: I hope you didn't say anything to hurt their feelings.
- Archie Bunker: No, I think anything I said went right over their heads.