- Mr. Anthony DeMartino: And why are we going to engage in simulated combat? Daria.
- Daria: Because no high school education is complete until you've chased your fellow students around the woods with toy guns?
- Daria: [Inner monologue about a paintball trip] Somebody in movie once said, "Hell is the possibility of sanity." That's what this place feels like: Hell. I hate it already, and it's only been an hour. Some damn hour, Grandma.
- Brittany Taylor: Excuse me, Ms. Barch? Since they can't see us very well because of the terrain, we can split up and they won't know where we are, then we can attack them from three sides, drive them out to the one side that they think is safe, and then set up an ambush so we can capture them all at once! Probably be a good idea to set up a secret observation post on the high ground so we can watch them without them seeing us.
- [Brittany's team mates stare at her, stunned by her knowledge of combat]
- Brittany Taylor: What?
- Ms. Janet Barch: That's very good, Brittany.
- Sandi Griffin: No matter what happens we won't shoot at each other and mess up our outfits.
- [holds up fashion magazine and swears on it]
- Sandi Griffin: If I fire at a fellow fashion club member, may I wear brown pants with an elastic waste for a whole week.
- Quinn: If I fire, I'll wear toe-pantyhoses. The shiny kind.
- Stacy Rowe: Stonewashed jeans!
- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Glasses.
- Ms. Angela Li: I'm glad to see you take such an interest in your daughters, Mrs. Morgendorffer.
- Helen: Well, it isn't easy raising two teenagers all by yourself... with Jake.
- Ms. Angela Li: Of course, I like to think the school environment also plays a pivotal role.
- Helen: Absolutely. Although it would be nice if the students got a little more encouragement. Maybe a bright kid like Daria would have a better attitude.
- [Ms. Li laughs]
- Helen: Did I say something funny?
- Ms. Angela Li: With all due respect, I can't think of a prison that could create an attitude like your daughter's, much less a school. Now, I always assumed that came from interaction with her parents, or lack of it.
- Helen: Oh, so you draw a distinction between prison and school. Because from what I've heard, you run the one pretty much like the other.
- Ms. Angela Li: I don't have to listen to this!
- Helen: No, you don't!
- Ms. Angela Li: And by the way, you look 50!
- Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Now, the object of the game is to shoot to kill.
- Daria: Excuse me. Isn't the object of the game to capture the enemy's flag?
- Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Whatever. Move out!
- Ms. Janet Barch: [Ms. Barch is repeatedly firing paintballs at an attacked Mr. DeMartino] I trusted you, dammit! Two decades of legal slavery, and still you throw it all away for a halter top and a pair of pumps!
- Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Madam, I believe you've got me confused with someone else! I'm not your ex-husband!
- Ms. Janet Barch: I know that, but he's not here!