The Brothers Solomon (2007)

Will Arnett: John Solomon

Photos 

Quotes 

• John Solomon : I literally can not wait to feel myself inside you!

  Janine : Woah! The only thing you're going to feel yourself inside of is a cold Dixie cup.

  Dean Solomon : Well that certainly doesn't make your vagina sound very appealing.

• Dean Solomon : She's not into you. Can't you see that?

  John Solomon : You're just jealous of what we have.

  Dean Solomon : Jealous of what you have? I already have what you have: nothing.

• Dean Solomon : So... you're a janitor?

  James : That's right. I'm a black man so I must be a janitor. Motherfucking racist-ass stereotyper.

  Dean Solomon : It's just, you're... wearing a janitor's outfit.

  James : Oh. So a black man can't just go in a thrift shop and buy a janitor's outfit 'cause he find it comfortable on his nuts.

  Dean Solomon : No, he can. Especially a black man.

  John Solomon : What do you do?

  James : I'm a janitor.

• John Solomon : I think we maybe need to broaden our search to include less conventional methods of having a baby.

  Dean Solomon : Like anal?

• John Solomon : Do you have any pictures of the kids? Something that we can...

  [points to picture of adoption agency representative's son] 

  John Solomon : Oh, Dean. How about that little guy?

  Dean Solomon : No friggin' way! Under no circumstances. He's got like Bells Palsy or something.

• John Solomon : So she got hit by a bus, huh? Poor girl.

  Dean Solomon : Yeah, the bus took a pretty serious hit too. I mean she was a large girl. Comfortably in the 200's.

• John Solomon : Oh, Dean. Don't be so hard on yourself.

  Dean Solomon : You just said "hard on."

• John Solomon : Hope your baby doesn't die!

  Dean Solomon : Guard your baby with your life!

  James : Don't fuck up.