- Les Nessman: The phones are dead!
- Andy Travis: Not now, Les.
- Les Nessman: Well shouldn't we call somebody?
- Les Nessman: [rushing into the control booth where Andy and Venus are talking about Andy's upcoming weekend activities] Venus, relinquish your show.
- Venus Flytrap: Cool it. I'm not in the mood, Les.
- Les Nessman: Andy, if you don't make him relinquish his show, I won't be responsible.
- Andy Travis: You're not responsible, Les.
- Les Nessman: I'm the news director.
- Les Nessman: [excitedly, waving his arms in the air] The building's on fire. The building's on fire.
- Venus Flytrap: [sarcastically] Cheap trick.
- Andy Travis: [ignoring Les while returning to his story about the weekend to Venus] All right, I'll tell you everything. A stewardess is taking ol' Travis to the Bahamas. A whole weekend of nothing but snorkeling...
- Les Nessman: [wrestling the mic away from Venus, and yelling into the mic rapid-fire] Flames fill fifth floor Flimm Building. Fireman fight fierce conflagration.
- Andy Travis: [stunned] What?
- Les Nessman: [rapid-fire into the mic while addressing Andy's query matter-of-factly] Flames fill fifth floor Flimm Building. Fireman fight fierce conflagration.
- Venus Flytrap: Andy, Mr. Carlson said everything's all right.
- Andy Travis: That does not mean anything.
- [first lines]
- Herb Tarlek: I joined a religion that lets you have two wives.
- Jennifer Marlowe: I don't want two wives.
- Bailey Quarters: [on her way out] Oh, goodnight, Mr. Carlson.
- Arthur Carlson: Goodnight, Bailey. Boy, am I bushed.
- Bailey Quarters: Why?
- Arthur Carlson: Huh?
- Arthur Carlson: And let me tell you something else, young lady. I get a lot of work done behind that closed door.
- Bailey Quarters: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Carlson, but my mind is on getting to the bank. You see, if I don't deposit my paycheck, I'll have checks bouncing all over town like little rubber balls.