- J.D.: Gift Shop Girl...
- Lisa the Gift Shop Girl: Hey, J.D.
- J.D.: I thought you died.
- Lisa the Gift Shop Girl: No, I just got married.
- J.D.: But I sent your family flowers.
- Lisa the Gift Shop Girl: I know. You bought them from me... it was kinda weird.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: Why are you breaking up with Keith?
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Look... Keith is sweet, but after watching him get walked on again this morning, I feel like I need a stronger man in my life. I want what you guys have... someone to stand up for me when I really need it, you know? Someone as confident as Turk or as brave as Dr Cox or as... I'm sorry Laverne, I don't really know your husband. What are some of Mr Roberts' good qualities?
- Nurse Laverne Roberts: Well, he was a roadie for Jimi Hendrix, and when it rains he carries me to the car.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: And you guys have been together what... 60 years?
- Nurse Laverne Roberts: I'm 48! And I'm done here.
- [leaves]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Uhm... my bad... yeah...
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [sobbing and crying] I don't want Keith to go... Elliot, I don't want Keith to go!
- Jordan Sullivan: Aww... there, there...
- [she starts to console her, then she pushes Carla's chair away. Elliot looks at her astonished]
- Jordan Sullivan: What? "I'm pregnant... I'm crying... I'm laughing...". Enough already... it's boring.
- J.D.: [calling out to Dr. Kim, who he is disappointed to learn wears her wedding ring] Kim, wait! I know I can't make you mine, unless I make you mine...
- J.D.: [reveals his vampire teeth and bites in Dr. Kim's neck a la Dr. Acula] ... for eternity!
- Dr. Kim Briggs: Dr. Acula! Don't... stop!
- Dr. Bob Kelso: Listen up, nametags. I need to wire some cash to my son so he can make bail. Apparently that musical he was producing was just a front for a crystal meth lab. And here's the kicker: he fled to Toronto, so now the freacking Mounties are involved!
- Dr. Perry Cox: Could I... uh... could I have everybody's attention, please... Jordan's pregnant.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [to Jordan] Ah! You get over here, you!
- Jordan Sullivan: Not a hug moment, sweetie.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [backs off] Right... yes, no...
- Dr. Perry Cox: Uh...
- [takes a pencil from a nurse's hands; speaks in a high-pitched voice moving the pencil in his hand as it was speaking]
- Dr. Perry Cox: But, Dr Cox, here I though you and Jordan were done trying to have any more babies.
- [in his normal voice]
- Dr. Perry Cox: We were, but my vasectomy didn't take, which, apparently, is not that uncommon.
- [in the high-pitched voice again]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Holy crap, Dr Cox... that must have really pissed you off.
- [in his normal voice]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Yes, it did, actually. What is... what is your name?
- [in the high-pitched voice again]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, I'm any generic hospital worker who happens to ask you a question about your pregnancy and/or any baby-related issues.
- [in his normal voice]
- Dr. Perry Cox: Oh, isn't that nice?...
- [breaks the pencil in two pieces]
- Dr. Perry Cox: This morality play was made possible by a generous grant from the Just See If I Was Kidding Foundation.