- Colin Mochrie: [in "Weird Newscasters"] Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Noah Sheshavingmybaby.
- [mild audience laughter]
- Colin Mochrie: The top story today... a scientist today admitted that he paid a prostitute over a thousand dollars to take a special chemical compound with some sparkling water in attempts to increase her I.Q. by over eighty points. The experiment failed, however, which proves: You can lead a whore to water, but you can't make her think.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Weird Newscasters"]
- [subtitles: "using everyone else's bodies as his weather maps"]
- Ryan Stiles: Let's make it quick. We have a busy, busy weather day tomorrow. We got some cloud cover coming in over the mountains...
- [points to Kathy Greenwood's breasts]
- Ryan Stiles: heading into the foothills tomorrow,
- [lifts Colin's feet]
- Ryan Stiles: into the foothills. Tomorrow night, we're gonna see a full moon for the first time...
- [turns Colin around and shows his butt to the audience]
- Ryan Stiles: full moon out tomorrow. And tomorrow, visibility WILL be low...
- [points to Drew's glasses]
- Ryan Stiles: and for you boaters, we've got a small craft warning.
- [points to Drew's crotch; Drew looks annoyed]
- Drew Carey: [after "Weird Newscasters"]
- [to Ryan]
- Drew Carey: What's the weather like at the UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE?
- [to Colin]
- Drew Carey: Hey Colin, what was your name at the top of that?
- Colin Mochrie: Noah Sheshavingmybaby.
- Ryan Stiles: "Know her? She's having my..."
- Drew Carey: Oh, KNOW her, she's having...
- Colin Mochrie: [interrupting] NOAH, NOAH, Sheshavingmybaby.
- Drew Carey: Oh. I didn't get it at first.
- Colin Mochrie: You weren't alone.
- [Ryan chuckles]
- Drew Carey: I hated to ask, but we were all wondering.
- Colin Mochrie: You know, my stuff, a lot of it's cerebral.
- Drew Carey: [laughs] Yeah, the kind of "cerebral" you pour milk on.
- [tepid audience reaction]
- Drew Carey: Now, let's... better than "Noah Sheshavingmybaby"!
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Showstopping Number", set in the U.S. Senate]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I don't have what it takes anymore. / I'm gonna head right out that door. / I'm gonna lose, gonna take a great fall, / You probably don't understand; you're cerebral!
- Wayne Brady: [in "Showstopping Number", set in the U.S. Senate] Hello, I'm the Reverend Jesse Jackson. I would like to give you my support for the Itty Bitty Panty Party.
- Ryan Stiles: Itty Bitty Panty Party?
- Wayne Brady: The Itty Bitty Panty Party, for the Itty Bitty Panty Party partakes of the participitation of the partisan committees.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "World's Worst", about person to be married to]
- [confused]
- Colin Mochrie: WOMEN have orgasms?
- Wayne Brady: [in "Number of Words", the scene being "Rocky"]
- [as Apollo Creed]
- Wayne Brady: [can only say four word sentences] What's up, chump? Huh?
- Colin Mochrie: [as Rocky]
- [can only say three word sentences]
- Colin Mochrie: Why you here?
- Wayne Brady: To break the "Rock".
- Ryan Stiles: [as Mickey]
- [can only say five word sentences]
- Ryan Stiles: Don't let 'im bother ya.
- [pauses to count the number of words in his head, then nods]
- Colin Mochrie: I gotta, ADRIAN!
- Kathy Greenwood: [as Adrian]
- [can only say two word sentences]
- Kathy Greenwood: I heard.
- [holding left ear in mock pain]
- Ryan Stiles: I'll take care of Adrian.
- [pulls Kathy out of the way]
- Wayne Brady: Fly like a butterfly.
- Colin Mochrie: Sting like a...
- Kathy Greenwood: Bee, stupid.
- Wayne Brady: Yeah, bee, stupid. Damn!