- Mike McShane: Remember, a gun's your friend. A gun keeps you secure, a gun you can sleep with. A gun will never turn on you, unless you point it at yourself.
- Ryan: [Shakespearean 'Theater Style'] Yay, but if I were a man like my woman I would be my wife.
- Colin Mochrie: Aye... I do not mean to prick your illusions, but if you were a woman thy prick you should not have.