- [Esteban teaches Zack, Cody, Janice, and Jessica to dance]
- Esteban: You must hold each other so closely...
- [places magazines between their bodies]
- Esteban: ...that this magazine won't fall.
- Zack Martin: Excellent. You got a thinner magazine?
- Esteban: [after winning the dance competition] I would like to thank everyone from the heart of my bottom!
- Zack Martin: Uh, you mean, "bottom of my heart".
- Esteban: That too.
- Zack Martin: Have I ever told you that I love you?
- Cody Martin: No.
- Zack Martin: Hmm... you'd think I would have.
- Jessica: Zack, your theory of the origin of the universe is fascinating.
- Janice: Really fascinating.
- Cody Martin: Ok, I can't take this. The theory of the universe is the string theory, not the string cheese theory.
- Mr. Moseby: Esteban, good news. I have booked the Boston Ballroom Dance Competition for here at the Tipton. Now, if your school takes first place, you'll get $1,000.
- Esteban: Oh, gracias, Mr. Moseby. You booked this to help me pay for my sister's quinceanera.
- Mr. Moseby: No, I just wanted a trophy.
- Esteban: Okay, everyone. Let's go over what dance each couple will be doing. London, Lance, what do you feel comfortable doing?
- London Tipton: Shopping.
- Lance: Swimming.
- Esteban: I meant with dance.
- Lance: The swim.
- London Tipton: The shop.
- Esteban: The Samba it is.
- Cody Martin: What's wrong with Janice?
- Zack Martin: She's got noodle arms. It's like dancing with spaghetti.
- Jessica: [to Zack] Ow! You stepped on me again!
- Zack Martin: I stepped on you because your foot is not supposed to be there.
- Jessica: That's where you lead me!
- Zack Martin: Ha! It'd be easier to lead a donkey!
- Janice: Who told you to be so rude to my sister?
- Zack Martin: Oh, like it's my fault she pushes me around like a bulldozer.
- Jessica: [gasps] I will not be spoken to that way!
- Janice: No, we won't!
- [she and Jessica start to leave]
- Cody Martin: Wait! That was a compliment.
- Janice: How?
- Cody Martin: I have no idea.