- Carey Martin: [to Zack] And let's get something straight. Girls can do anything boys can do, and we can do it while wearing high heels.
- Tiffany: Who cares? That would be like my brother dating Chelsea.
- Chelsea: Oh, just because my family's yacht is smaller than yours, you think you're better than me?
- Tiffany: Well... yeah!
- Chelsea: And, by the way, I did date your brother. He's an idiot.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Yikes.
- London Tipton: Girls, girls, please. It's okay for rich people to hang out with other people who have less money than they do. I mean, I hang out with you guys.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Double yikes!
- Tiffany: [to London] Well, at least my daddy's not an innkeeper!
- London Tipton: [gasps] How dare you!
- [spills her drink on Tiffany's dress]
- London Tipton: Oops.
- Tiffany: Did you just purposely throw tea on my new dress?
- London Tipton: Honey, what does it matter? It's probably a knockoff anyway.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Uh, ladies, shouldn't we get back to the book?
- Tiffany: [puts a pie on London's head] Oops.
- London Tipton: I'll have you know, I'm too much of a lady to engage in your low-class behavior. Oh, who am I kidding?
- [Hits Tiffany in the back of the head with another pie]
- Chelsea: Girls, girls. It doesn't matter what you have in the bank. All that matters is what you have on your face.
- [Hits Tiffany in the face with a pie]
- Tiffany: That better be low-fat!
- Chelsea: Well, let's ask London.
- [Hits London in the face with a pie]
- Tiffany, London Tipton: [hits Chelsea in the face with another pie] Oops.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: All right, I'll just be going, then!
- Mr. Moseby: Thought your shift was over, Madeline?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: It is, but I thought I'd stay and, uh, do a little inventory.
- Mr. Moseby: Couldn't resist listening in on London's book club, could you?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: I can't help it! It's just too bizarre!
- Chelsea: [to the girls in the book club] Okay, everyone, let's get the discussion started.
- London Tipton: It's about time.
- [Opens her book]
- London Tipton: Can we talk about Paris?
- [Closes her book]
- London Tipton: Did you guys see that hideous pink dress she wore to the Gala last night? It looked like she threw up a flamingo!
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: They're not even discussing the book!
- Mr. Moseby: And you're surprised because?
- London Tipton: Girls, let's turn to real issues... what do you think of my hair?
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: I'm horrified!
- Mr. Moseby: I think her hair looks nice. It's shiny.
- Maddie Fitzpatrick: Did any of you even read the book?
- Tiffany: Well, my butler was reading it to me, but my cell phone rang. It was Bradley Wiggins!
- Chelsea: Oooh, he's cute!
- Tiffany: I know! And he said he's thinking of dumping Allison for me!
- Cody Martin: I just hope you don't act like a jerk again around Ella.
- Zack Martin: No, no, I'm going to be a perfect gentleman. And we're going back to Putt Putt Party and I'm gonna politely pummel her to a pulp.