- Walter: I hate this frickin' job!
- Jeff Dunham: Why's that?
- Walter: [referring to Peanut] Making me go after that purple idiot! He's like a Muppet on crack.
- [referring to José Jalapeño]
- Walter: Him and that Filipino on a stick.
- Jeff Dunham: Actually, he's a *jalapeño*! He's a jalapeño!
- Walter: Filipino, jalapeño, just put him on a stick and get him the hell out!
- Jeff Dunham: Where did you get the suit?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Online auction.
- [audience laughs]
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Shut up! I defeated the highest bidder!
- Jeff Dunham: Are you ready?
- José Jalapeño: I'm ready, señor.
- Peanut: Now most people don't know but tell them what you are.
- José Jalapeño: I'm the jalapeño on a stick!
- Jeff Dunham: What's your name?
- José Jalapeño: My name José.
- Peanut: José what?
- José Jalapeño: José Jalapeño.
- Jeff Dunham: Oh.
- José Jalapeño: On a Stick!
- Peanut: And you're Mexican?
- José Jalapeño: No, señor. Mexicans are from Mexico. I'm Puerto Rican.
- Jeff Dunham: Oh.
- José Jalapeño: I'm from New York City.
- Jeff Dunham: Look, Peanut, you're just going to have to be nicer to José.
- Peanut: Okay, José, ¿Como esta usted?
- José Jalapeño: ¡Muy bien!
- Peanut: ¿Poner a tú hablé?
- José Jalapeño: Oh, sí, ¡Bueno!
- Jeff Dunham: Peanut, what are you doing?
- Peanut: I'm speaking to José in his native tongue?
- Jeff Dunham: Could you not do that?
- Peanut: Why not?
- Jeff Dunham: Well, it makes me feel... left out.
- Peanut: Huh?
- Jeff Dunham: Well, I don't speak Spanish.
- [both Peanut and José look at Jeff]
- José Jalapeño: You are a sick person, Señor.
- Peanut: You're a sick guy!
- José Jalapeño: On a stick!