- Dr. Perry Cox: A coffee place in a hospital? What's next, Bob, an ice cream parlor in the morgue? Admittedly, not a horrible idea, seeing that the freezers are already down there. Plus, it'll be a perfect place for kids... one of our famous vanilla malteds definitively takes the sting out of having to identify the freshly-charred remains of your father.
- Dr. Perry Cox: A tip jar? Really? So what am I supposed to do, just duke you my change because you poured hot water through beans? Well, I tell you what, my friend... unless you're also planning on giving me a complimentary reach-around with my beverage, I'm afraid the answer is yeah... no! Here's a novel idea: Why don't you go fetch me a very large cup of coffee with so damn many fake sugars in it that the coffee itself gets cancer?
- Dr. Elliot Reid: So, you're having chest pains, Mr Turner.
- Dr. Turner: Actually, it's Dr Turner.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: You look like somebody I used to date. I had a brief "older guy" jones, but now I'm with someone more age-appropriate and I'm like "Whoa, what was I thinking?".
- Dr. Turner: Uhm, we are disgusting...
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Yeah! But for some reason I was curious.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Hey, Kim. Just checkin' to see if your socks are back on, since I knocked 'em off last night! Helloooooo!
- [realizing]
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: What am I doing? You're the mother of my child. That is so tacky.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: And so is this: Way to hit that, player!
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [about JD] Izzy, this is the man who you have to compete with for your father's affection.