Metalocalypse (TV Series)
Performance Klok (2006)
Tommy Blacha: Toki Wartooth, William Murderface
Quotes
-
Nathan Explosion : [Toki is laying down his guitar tracks in the studio; Nathan interrupts him] Do it again, Toki! Take 164.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [Toki tries the same track and pops a string; there is a brief pause] Just let me record it. Each take is worse, he's slowly learning how to un-play the guitar.
Toki Wartooth : I can hear dat, the talk-back mike is on.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Pickle, please let me know when the talk-back mike is on so that Mr. Sensitives don'ts goes to cries-babies house for vacation.
Toki Wartooth : I can still hear you.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : So what do you want? A "Be-Able-To-Hear-Things" award?
Toki Wartooth : Eh not really. Doesn't sound like a greats award, to be honest.
-
Toki Wartooth : [after being insulted by Skwisgaar] I can still hear you.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : So what do you want? A "Be-Able-To-Hear-Things" award?
Toki Wartooth : Eh not really. Doesn't sound like a greats award to be honest.
-
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Is this the way you normally record?
Nathan Explosion : Well, yeah.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : What, you just push little Toki around?
Pickles the Drummer : Yeah. He lets us.
William Murderface : Yeah, he likes it!
Nathan Explosion : Yeah. Well, I mean, what's, I - what's wrong with that?
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Are you kidding me? Do have any idea what that's doing to his little ego? Listen. We're gonna do an exercise, an exercise in changing band dynamics.
[Toki stands in front of Nathan's mic and puts on a pair of headphones]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [sotto voce to Pickles] This idea is dildoes.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Toki, you are now the lead singer of the band.
Toki Wartooth : No, thanks.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : You know, your creative voice is not appreciated, and we are going to change that.
Toki Wartooth : Honestly, I don't wants no creative voice. It's cool.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Are you kidding me? You are now the lead singer! Go! Make up some lyrics! One, two, three, go!
[Toki sings off-key and out of tempo as the band angrily looks on and Twinkletits claps]
-
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : [after Murderface smashes a guitar in a rage] What happened back there?
William Murderface : I don't care.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Hey, I've got an idea.
[he takes off his glasses]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Let's "rock talk."
William Murderface : No.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Come on. Don't you wanna get in touch with, you know, your - your inner dude?
William Murderface : No, thanks. I hate that guy.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Now we're gettin' somewhere. Let's "rock talk" about that.
William Murderface : I don't wanna.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Hm. What a shame. You know, I... guess I'll just have to, you know...
[he gets up and shakes his banana sticker container]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : ... hold on to all these banana stickers. I've got, like a million...
William Murderface : Okay, I'll "rock talk."
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : [condescendingly] Good! I want you to tell me about young Murderface. Tell me a nice story about when -
[he chuckles]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : - when Murderface was a little tiny boy.
William Murderface : Well, okay. Here goes.
Murderface's Father : [flashback to Murderface's childhood. Murderface is an infant in a high chair, giggling and cooing over his food. Baby music plays in the background, but suddenly changes to horror-movie music as Murderface's father runs across the screen, toting a chainsaw] How could I have ever married you?
[Murderface's mother starts shrieking as the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father : I kill you!
[Murderface's mother lets out a bloodcurdling scream]
Murderface's Father : Here goes!
[Murderface's father runs back across the screen, soaked in blood]
Murderface's Father : And now I kill myself! First my left leg!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father : Good! Now the right!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father : Now the arm!
[the chainsaw revs]
Murderface's Father : Now my face!
[the chainsaw revs one more time]
Murderface's Father : Aaaaagggghhhh!
William Murderface : [return to present. Murderface looks at Twinkletits as he wets himself. Twinkletits hands him a banana sticker] Yeah, that was good "rock talk."
-
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : [upbeat] All right, we got a lotta work to do today, because... we're going on tour!
Nathan Explosion : Hey! We been thinkin'. Not very hard, but... you're fired. Yeah. We hate you.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : [scoffs in disbelief] I'm sorry... what?
William Murderface : Hey, it's not that bad. You know, I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other, but you're amazing. You're a real dick, and I appreciate that. But we never wanna see you again, you ugly idiot dick!
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Hold on for a second. I am your therapist!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Hey, I ain't no therapist, but I hate your moustache.
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Don't you want... a banana sticker?
[indicates his sticker container/belt buckle]
Nathan Explosion : We won't be needing your banana stickers!
[Murderface pushes a chest towards Nathan, who kicks it open, revealing a multitude of banana stickers]
Nathan Explosion : We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so...
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : You sons of bitches. How dare you, I *am* the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick *you* out! You're all fired, you bunch of stupid pussies! I'LL KILL YOU!
[he raises his pen like a knife and rushes at the band, but he slips on a banana sticker and flies through a window]
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
Dr. Johnathan Twinkletits : [he hits the ground, unhurt] I'm still alive! I'm still...
[he catches sight of the snarling yard wolves and screams in terror]
-
Toki Wartooth : [the band is watching the yard wolves devour Twinkletits] Look. The wol-ev-es eat him.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Yes, Toki. And his body will nourish the wolves.
Toki Wartooth : I believe the cycle of learning... is complete.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Indeeds. Alls of us should learns a lesson.
Pickles the Drummer : Yeah. And what lesson might that be?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [short pause] I has no idea. But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten. Look at that right there.
Nathan Explosion : [filming the scene with a video camera] I loved him. I... can say that now.
William Murderface : Now that he's dead...
[starting to choke up]
William Murderface : ... it's much easier to say...
[he sniffles]
William Murderface : ... emotional things about him.
Pickles the Drummer : Gosh. Maybe this is weird to say, but... am I the only one who's being made to feel hungry by watching... this?
Nathan Explosion : [pause] Let's eat.
[the eyes of every band member suddenly glow red]
-
Nathan Explosion : I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.
Pickles the Drummer : Can we give ourselves a raise?
Nathan Explosion : Yeah. No, I found that out too.
Pickles the Drummer : Well then, you know, I give myself a raise right now.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : I give myself a raise too.
Toki Wartooth : I give myself a solid gold telephone!
William Murderface : I give myself a bunch of boats, with a bunch of Vietnamese people on them, on fire.