Aqua Teen Hunger Force (TV Series)
Dickesode (2006)
Dana Snyder: Master Shake
Quotes
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Master Shake : Ding dong, the dick is dead, Carl!
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Commercial Voiceover : [a Wong Burger commercial is being shown on Master Shake's television] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win!
[rips off the bottom of the cup and soda pours out]
Commercial Voiceover : Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[spoken quickly as a crawl runs quickly on the screen]
Commercial Voiceover : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl : Right there! Right there, did you hear that?
Meatwad : Oh yeah, about them teriyaki fries?
Carl : No no no no no, the last part, the low fast part! Rewind, go back!
Meatwad : We ain't got no Tivo, see.
Master Shake : That was live, Carl.
Meatwad : But we can still go back, through the power of imagination!
Master Shake : I like the way you're thinking. Go get your puppets!
Meatwad : Okay.
[leaves the room]
Master Shake : This is gold!
[Meatwad takes a few minutes to get his puppets, and Carl, Master Shake, and Frylock exchange glances while music from the TV plays until Meatwad returns with a pair of crude puppets made from a sock and an oven mitt]
Master Shake : Alright, let's go. Roll it.
Meatwad : [with the puppets] Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win! Prizes include a new car, or a discount on teriyaki fries! At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
[pauses, than says quickly]
Meatwad : Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Carl : Friggin knew he said that! I KNEW he said that!
Meatwad : What, about the teriyaki fries?
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Meatwad : Hey y'all, look at this! Just rip it and win!
[rips the bottom off his cup, spilling soda everywhere]
Frylock : Oh what'd you win Meatwad?
Meatwad : [holding the bottom of his cup excitedly] 20 cents off my next Wasabi fries, all right! You see, they fill the fries with wasabi sauce through hot tubs of meat...
Frylock : [impatiently] I know Meatwad, I know! I saw the ad too.
Meatwad : Yeah, and they're good too!
Frylock : Yeah, I'm sure they're not.
Meatwad : [to Mastershake] Do yours, rip it and win!
Master Shake : [knocks over his 85-gallon cup of soda, which sends Meatwad flying out of the shot. He then rips off the bottom of his cup] 20 cents off the next order of wasabi fries!
Meatwad : You see, they fill the french fry up with wasabi sauce, and...
Master Shake : Yeah, we know ok? We know!
Meatwad : See what you win Carl!
Carl : [rips off the bottom of his cup and reads slowly] Uh... tonight you will get your dick ripped off.
[pauses]
Carl : That doesn't sound right does it?
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Frylock : [wearing a surgical mask] You can get up now Carl, I think we're done.
Carl : [moaning] Oh man...
Frylock : Feel alright?
Carl : Where'd you get these painkillers from? They're awesome!
Frylock : Yeah maybe you should... just like... use pills forever.
Carl : [the camera zooms up Carl's body, revealing him to be looking in a mirror while dressed in women's clothing, wearing nails and a wig, and with a scar near his forehead while sexy music plays] Yeah you're right. This was a very bad idea.
Master Shake : Hey Carlina, wow!
Carl : Oh yeah, I get it. Yeah, you put me under, dressed me as a woman, took pictures of me. Laugh's on me, huh?
Frylock : Well no Carl, see heh, you're not just dressed like a woman.
Carl : Oh do go on, please!
Frylock : Well, it's pretty simple really. I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it!
Carl : So the blood stain
[on his crotch]
Carl : is just... what is that me having my period I guess? Heh heh heh...
Frylock : Well it could be, or it could just be the spot where I snipped your dick off...
Meatwad : You're taking pretty good Carl. Kudos.
Carl : Seem like this whole thing kinda defeats the purpose, ya know?
Frylock : Yep, and what I just did was a very bad idea.
Carl : Ya think maybe I could have my dick back? Oh wait, you know what? Maybe you should keep my dick, so you could uh... hump yourself!
[storms off]
Master Shake : Technically that would not be doing yourself, just for the record.
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Master Shake : [Frylock, Meatwad, and Carl are all carrying a giant soda drink cup out of Wongburger's. After they place it down on the pavement, Mastershake comes out of the restaurant pushing a handcart] Whew! Was that thing heavy?
Frylock : Damn it Shake, did you have to order the Superize Trough?
Master Shake : Hydration is essential...
[begins drinking through the straw on the cup]
Master Shake : ... oh, that's so good...
[sips again]
Master Shake : ... and I need 85...
[takes a sip that lasts ten seconds]
Master Shake : ... gallons of soda per day, and plus!
[sips again]
Master Shake : it comes with the edible handcart!
[holds up handcart he pushed out and takes a bite out of the wheel]
Master Shake : The tires are chocolate!
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Master Shake : Aw, dick!
Frylock : Shake.
Master Shake : Everywhere I turn, it's dicks!
Mr. Wongburger : INTRUDERS! Stop them!
Rice Henchmen : Close the dick gate!
Mr. Wongburger : What are you doing, touching my dicks?
Frylock : You can't just run around, ripping out people's dicks to make a giant Dick Ship!
Mr. Wongburger : I have an advanced dick-ree in dick-nology!
Frylock : You're a madman, Wongburger! The ship will never fly!
Mr. Wongburger : Well, how else am I supposed to get home?
Frylock : Call someone to pick you up.
Mr. Wongburger : I will.
Master Shake : Hey. I got to know which one of these is Carl's.
Frylock : It don't matter. Just get one.
Master Shake : YOU grab one! I'm not touching those dicks.
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Frylock : Hang on hang on hang on. I have a better plan. Meatwad, you've got a big dick right?
Meatwad : Oh yeah, huge. But I need it...
[smiles devilishly]
Meatwad : ... for tonight!
Frylock : But it's detachable, and that helps us!
Master Shake : [angrily] No! No way I am having a dick made of hamburger!
Frylock : I'm not giving it to you!
Master Shake : Good! Cuz I don't need it! Cuz I'm HUGE... between the legs!
Meatwad : Who wants to see my dick?
[sounds of meat being pressed together are heard, while Frylock, Master Shake, and Carl bug their eyes out]
Meatwad : See, Dick Nixon!
[Meatwad has transformed into a statue of Abraham Lincoln holding a sword]
Meatwad : Ol' Tricky Dick!
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Master Shake : Ding dong! The dick is dead, Carl!