- The SHeriff: Nobody messes with Corey Haim and lives to tell about. I love License To Drive and I also love The Goonies.
- The Chef: You're a bad man. You;re a very bad man. Lying and cheating and selling me a crappy fucking knife.
- The SHeriff: Let's just say he, Corey Haim, and a poolstick. Let's just say he did things to Corey Haim that Corey Feldman only wishes he'd done to Corey Haim.
- The SHeriff: Now he's subjugated to living in a shack in Toronto, working in a record store, living with his mother, playing keyboard, making horrible paintings.
- Warrington Bartleby: It's like the future of mugging. You didn't have to pull a gun on anyone, just collected the money.
- Warrington Bartleby: It's like me. I'm punching women in the back of the head. Where's the honor in that?