- Doreen Doll: Nancy dearest, why don't you read this next item, it reminds me so very much of you...
- Nancy Nonsense: Really, why?
- Doreen Doll: Well, because when I saw it today it was also being passed around the news room.
- Nancy Nonsense: Well, I certainly don't mind reading it, I'm sure you've had enough hot flashes for one day.
- Garry Glibb: Girls, girls, this news is supposed to be cutesy, not catsy!
- Announcer: The first half of the Sonny and Cher show is history. Stay tuned for the second half, which will be algebra. I don't write 'em, I just read 'em
- Maintenance man: Hey, let's go down into the lingerie department. My uncle Louie's got a birthday coming up.
- Mannequin Cher: What really bothers me is that every time somebody gets popular on TV they mold us to look like them.
- Mannequin Farrah: I know, this month I'm that dizzy blonde from Charlie's Angels. You know her name? Farrah something.
- Mannequin Cher: Fawcett.
- Mannequin Farrah: Right. I knew it had something to do with being a drip.
- Mannequin Cher: Look at me, they made me look like that girl who does comedy with that little goofy partner.
- Mannequin Farrah: Oh right, which one are you? Laverne or Shirley?
- Mannequin Farrah: I just hate being that Farrah girl. This hair weighs a ton!
- Mannequin Cher: That's nothing. How would you like to lug around this nose for two months?
- Mannequin Cher: Last year I was molded into a TV star who had a much bigger chest than Cher...
- Mannequin Farrah: Really, who?
- Mannequin Cher: Baretta.