- Drew Carey: [after "Award Show"] That was as exciting as the Cable Ace Awards.
- Greg Proops: That's cable's highest honor!
- Drew Carey: Yeah. You know, they quit giving 'em out...
- Greg Proops: Oh.
- Drew Carey: ...'Cause nobody gave a shit.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the nurse] You know, many people, as they see me walk by go, "That guy's the king of funk." I THINK that's what they say. And... that is true.
- Ryan Stiles: I've heard it.
- Colin Mochrie: Oh, I, I think I've heard you say it once.
- Ryan Stiles: I've said it MORE than once.
- Colin Mochrie: R&B, I love R&B. And one of my favorite bands from the eighties was, of course, Earth, Wind & Fire. There's probably another element... ah, it doesn't matter.