The Bullwinkle Show (TV Series)

Jet Fuel Formula/Bullwinkle's Ride or Goodbye, Dollink (1959)

Bill Scott: Bullwinkle J. Moose, Dr. Milton Nudnik, Scientist, Subway Rider #1, Mr. Peabody, Top Scientist, Russian Scientist, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• Mr. Peabody : Every dog should have a boy.

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : Our story opens today at the Slick Observatory, where an international group of scientists, eggheads, and doubledomes were meeting to dedicate the new, giant, one-thousand-inch telescope. The chairman, Sir Newton Fugg, was presiding.

  Sir Newton Fugg : Today we will prove once and for all that there can be no life on the moon.

  Narrator : Dr. Milton Nudnik, Egghead of the Year, was given the honor of the first peek.

  Sir Newton Fugg : What do you see?

  Dr. Milton Nudnik : I see two moon creatures.

  Sir Newton Fugg : Impossible!

  Narrator : The scientists rushed to the eyepiece, and incredibly Nudnik was right.

  Sir Newton Fugg : Why, it's a moon moose!

  Scientist : And he's signalling us!

  Sir Newton Fugg : What does he say?

  Scientist : He says, "Here we come, ready or not."

  Narrator : Sure enough a strange rocket ship had left the moon and was heading straight for the Earth.

• Narrator : Meanwhile, at Washington Airport, the newly-appointed Ambassador to the Moon, Credney Blatt, and other dignitaries and diplomats were waiting for the strange craft to land.

  Diplomat : Here it comes!

  [the rocket crashes into the ground, nose-first] 

  Narrator : The rocket ship had made a perfect one-point landing! And while all eyes watched expectantly, the hatch opened.

  Credney Blatt : Welcome, moon people. You dig 'em Earth talk?

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Bullwinkle, they think we're moon people.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : They do? Then,

  [to diplomats] 

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : take me to your president.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : [to Bullwinkle]  No, no, no! We gotta tell 'em the truth.

  [to diplomats] 

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Gentlemen, I'm Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : I'm Bullwinkle the Moose.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : And we're both from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.

  Credney Blatt : Minnesota!

  General : You mean you've been to the moon and back?

  Credney Blatt : Why, they've discovered a great new rocket fuel.

• Narrator : And so, to a hero's acclaim, our adventurers told their strange and incredible story. It seemed that just days before, in a little house in Frostbite Falls, Bullwinkle had been making a quick-rising cake, according to his grandmother's old recipe. But the first layer had risen a little faster than they'd expected, and the next thing they knew the stove had been blown clear to the moon. Well, they had to get it back.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Sure, we still owed two payments on it.

  Narrator : And so the boys put together their version of a spaceship, and used the second layer of that extraordinary cake to propel them to the moon.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : And the third layer blasted us back.

  General : That cake batter must be a revolutionary rocket fuel!

  Credney Blatt : My boy, you must make more of that cake for your government.

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Bullwinkle, you're gonna be a famous scientist!

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Well, after all, I am a graduate of M.I.T., the Moose Institute of Toe-Dancing.

• [introduction of Boris and Natasha] 

  Narrator : Unfortunately, our boys wouldn't have been so happy had they overheard two notorious spies.

  Boris Badenov : You hear, Natasha? First get the formula, and then

  [makes noise while sliding his finger across his throat] 

  Boris Badenov : kill the moose, or wice-wersa.

  Narrator : And so, a short while later, the new Director of Guided Moosiles was interrupted by...

  Natasha Fatale : Hello, you great, big, wonderful moose!

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Why that's right neighborly of you.

  Natasha Fatale : You will give me Grandmama's recipe?

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : What fer?

  Natasha Fatale : Well, I hope to be a grandmama myself someday.

• [Natasha hands a ticking package to Bullwinkle] 

  Natasha Fatale : Dahling, will you please hold this package for me?

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Well I plan to leave in a couple of minutes.

  Natasha Fatale : Don't worry. You will.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : [to himself]  Sounds like a clock.

  Narrator : Bullwinkle's steel-trap mind had done it again! It was a clock, only attached to fourteen sticks of dynamite, and it was wired to go off in thirty seconds.

• [introduction of Mr. Peabody] 

  Mr. Peabody : Our story opens today high atop New York City, in the luxurious penthouse of perhaps the most famous soldier of fortune the world has ever known: me.

  [Peabody is standing on his head] 

  Mr. Peabody : How do you do? Excuse the position, just practicing my yoga. Well, now that you're here, we may as well get to know each other.

  [Peabody springs into a sitting position] 

  Mr. Peabody : My name is Peabody. I suppose you *know* yours.

  [points to the WABAC machine] 

  Mr. Peabody : I guess you're wondering about this contraption. It belongs to Sherman. He's my boy.

• Mr. Peabody : As a youth I was just an average genius. The "puppy prodigy", they called me. Got my degree at Harvard when I was three - "wagna cum laude", of course. Then a brief period in the foreign service. I speak eight languages fluently - all at once, that is - including English. Then a few research projects for the government. And I dabbled in the stock market, where I was known as the "Woof of Wall Street". But somehow I felt that something was missing in my life, so I made up my mind to get a boy.

• [Peabody fights to adopt Sherman as his boy] 

  Orphanage Man : But he's not a fit person to bring up a boy. In fact he's not even a person at all.

  Mr. Peabody : Your honor, I consider that an excellent recommendation.

  Mr. Peabody : [narrating]  And I finally got Sherman.

  Judge : This court can see no reason why, if a boy can have a dog, a dog can't have a boy.

• [Peabody wins his case to adopt Sherman] 

  Sherman : Daddy!

  Mr. Peabody : Sherman, let's get one thing clear. I will never submit to being addressed by that ridiculous name. You will call me Mr. Peabody. Or, when speaking informally, simply Peabody.

  Sherman : Yes, Mr. Peabody.

• [Natasha tries to leave after handing Bullwinkle a ticking time bomb, set to explode in thirty seconds] 

  Narrator : But as Natasha tried to open the door, she found it had been locked behind her.

  Natasha Fatale : The key! Where's the cotton-picking key?

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Oh, the key. Well, uh, I got it here somewhere.

  [Bullwinkle pulls out a ring full of keys] 

  Boris Badenov : [outside the window, counting down by his watch]  Eighteen seconds. Seventeen. Sixteen...

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Let's see. Here's the key to my locker at P.S. 84...

  Natasha Fatale : [frantic]  Hurry up, please!

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : ...Key to my hope chest. It's little 'cause I'm kinda hopeless.

  Natasha Fatale : [banging on the door]  I must go quickly!

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : I'm doin' my level best.

  Boris Badenov : Twelve, eleven, ten...

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Three trunk keys, in case I ever grow a trunk.

  Natasha Fatale : [pulling frantically on the doorknob]  Time is running out!

  Boris Badenov : Eight, seven, six...

  Rocket J. Squirrel : Hey, that one belongs to the Frostbite Falls Volunteer Fire Department.

  Bullwinkle J. Moose : Yeah! Wonder how they're starting the engine these days...

  Natasha Fatale : Give me my package, you fool!

  [Natasha takes the time bomb from Bullwinkle and tosses it out the window, where Boris stands below] 

  Boris Badenov : Three, two, one!

  [the bomb explodes beside Boris, sending him skyward] 

  Boris Badenov : That's what I like: precision timing.

• Narrator : Meanwhile, the fact that Bullwinkle's rocket fuel was made from his grandmother's fudge cake recipe was having a great effect on the whole country. Top scientists discarded their most complex apparatus...

  Top Scientist : Irwin, go get me an eight-inch cake tin and a set of cookie cutters.

  Narrator : Colleges changed their course of study...

  Lecturer : This year, gentlemen, we will study atomic structure, nuclear physics, and fudge making.

  Narrator : The effects spread to other countries...

  [Two Russians, blue from the cold, trudge through the snow of Siberia] 

  Russian #1 : But you are top nuclear physicist! How come you are sent to Siberia?

  Russian Scientist : My biscuits were too heavy.

  Narrator : In the U.S.A., grandmothers rose to national prominence. As advisers to the president...

  Grandmother #1 : It's raining. You'd better put on your rubbers.

  Narrator : As scientists...

  Council Head : I'd like you to meet our new head of research and development.

  Grandmother #2 : [posed as Whistler's Mother]  Hello, boys.

  Narrator : Even bathing beauty contests took on a new look. Grandmothers reigned supreme.