- [first lines]
- Narrator: Our story opens today at the Slick Observatory, where an international group of scientists, eggheads, and doubledomes were meeting to dedicate the new, giant, one-thousand-inch telescope. The chairman, Sir Newton Fugg, was presiding.
- Sir Newton Fugg: Today we will prove once and for all that there can be no life on the moon.
- Narrator: Dr. Milton Nudnik, Egghead of the Year, was given the honor of the first peek.
- Sir Newton Fugg: What do you see?
- Dr. Milton Nudnik: I see two moon creatures.
- Sir Newton Fugg: Impossible!
- Narrator: The scientists rushed to the eyepiece, and incredibly Nudnik was right.
- Sir Newton Fugg: Why, it's a moon moose!
- Scientist: And he's signalling us!
- Sir Newton Fugg: What does he say?
- Scientist: He says, "Here we come, ready or not."
- Narrator: Sure enough a strange rocket ship had left the moon and was heading straight for the Earth.
- Dorson Belles: Now hear this. This is Dorson Belles speaking. The moon rocket ship is nearing the Earth. This invasion is not a play, I repeat, not a play. Please feel free to panic.
- Narrator: And some people did panic. Stores closed. Houses were shut up tight. Everywhere, panic reigned.
- Narrator: Meanwhile, at Washington Airport, the newly-appointed Ambassador to the Moon, Credney Blatt, and other dignitaries and diplomats were waiting for the strange craft to land.
- Diplomat: Here it comes!
- [the rocket crashes into the ground, nose-first]
- Narrator: The rocket ship had made a perfect one-point landing! And while all eyes watched expectantly, the hatch opened.
- Credney Blatt: Welcome, moon people. You dig 'em Earth talk?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle, they think we're moon people.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: They do? Then,
- [to diplomats]
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: take me to your president.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: [to Bullwinkle] No, no, no! We gotta tell 'em the truth.
- [to diplomats]
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Gentlemen, I'm Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: I'm Bullwinkle the Moose.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: And we're both from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota.
- Credney Blatt: Minnesota!
- General: You mean you've been to the moon and back?
- Credney Blatt: Why, they've discovered a great new rocket fuel.
- Narrator: And so, to a hero's acclaim, our adventurers told their strange and incredible story. It seemed that just days before, in a little house in Frostbite Falls, Bullwinkle had been making a quick-rising cake, according to his grandmother's old recipe. But the first layer had risen a little faster than they'd expected, and the next thing they knew the stove had been blown clear to the moon. Well, they had to get it back.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Sure, we still owed two payments on it.
- Narrator: And so the boys put together their version of a spaceship, and used the second layer of that extraordinary cake to propel them to the moon.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: And the third layer blasted us back.
- General: That cake batter must be a revolutionary rocket fuel!
- Credney Blatt: My boy, you must make more of that cake for your government.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle, you're gonna be a famous scientist!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Well, after all, I am a graduate of M.I.T., the Moose Institute of Toe-Dancing.
- [introduction of Boris and Natasha]
- Narrator: Unfortunately, our boys wouldn't have been so happy had they overheard two notorious spies.
- Boris Badenov: You hear, Natasha? First get the formula, and then
- [makes noise while sliding his finger across his throat]
- Boris Badenov: kill the moose, or wice-wersa.
- Narrator: And so, a short while later, the new Director of Guided Moosiles was interrupted by...
- Natasha Fatale: Hello, you great, big, wonderful moose!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Why that's right neighborly of you.
- Natasha Fatale: You will give me Grandmama's recipe?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: What fer?
- Natasha Fatale: Well, I hope to be a grandmama myself someday.
- [Natasha hands a ticking package to Bullwinkle]
- Natasha Fatale: Dahling, will you please hold this package for me?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Well I plan to leave in a couple of minutes.
- Natasha Fatale: Don't worry. You will.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: [to himself] Sounds like a clock.
- Narrator: Bullwinkle's steel-trap mind had done it again! It was a clock, only attached to fourteen sticks of dynamite, and it was wired to go off in thirty seconds.
- [introduction of Mr. Peabody]
- Mr. Peabody: Our story opens today high atop New York City, in the luxurious penthouse of perhaps the most famous soldier of fortune the world has ever known: me.
- [Peabody is standing on his head]
- Mr. Peabody: How do you do? Excuse the position, just practicing my yoga. Well, now that you're here, we may as well get to know each other.
- [Peabody springs into a sitting position]
- Mr. Peabody: My name is Peabody. I suppose you *know* yours.
- [points to the WABAC machine]
- Mr. Peabody: I guess you're wondering about this contraption. It belongs to Sherman. He's my boy.
- Mr. Peabody: As a youth I was just an average genius. The "puppy prodigy", they called me. Got my degree at Harvard when I was three - "wagna cum laude", of course. Then a brief period in the foreign service. I speak eight languages fluently - all at once, that is - including English. Then a few research projects for the government. And I dabbled in the stock market, where I was known as the "Woof of Wall Street". But somehow I felt that something was missing in my life, so I made up my mind to get a boy.
- [Peabody fights to adopt Sherman as his boy]
- Orphanage Man: But he's not a fit person to bring up a boy. In fact he's not even a person at all.
- Mr. Peabody: Your honor, I consider that an excellent recommendation.
- Mr. Peabody: [narrating] And I finally got Sherman.
- Judge: This court can see no reason why, if a boy can have a dog, a dog can't have a boy.
- [Peabody wins his case to adopt Sherman]
- Sherman: Daddy!
- Mr. Peabody: Sherman, let's get one thing clear. I will never submit to being addressed by that ridiculous name. You will call me Mr. Peabody. Or, when speaking informally, simply Peabody.
- Sherman: Yes, Mr. Peabody.
- [Natasha tries to leave after handing Bullwinkle a ticking time bomb, set to explode in thirty seconds]
- Narrator: But as Natasha tried to open the door, she found it had been locked behind her.
- Natasha Fatale: The key! Where's the cotton-picking key?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Oh, the key. Well, uh, I got it here somewhere.
- [Bullwinkle pulls out a ring full of keys]
- Boris Badenov: [outside the window, counting down by his watch] Eighteen seconds. Seventeen. Sixteen...
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Let's see. Here's the key to my locker at P.S. 84...
- Natasha Fatale: [frantic] Hurry up, please!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: ...Key to my hope chest. It's little 'cause I'm kinda hopeless.
- Natasha Fatale: [banging on the door] I must go quickly!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: I'm doin' my level best.
- Boris Badenov: Twelve, eleven, ten...
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Three trunk keys, in case I ever grow a trunk.
- Natasha Fatale: [pulling frantically on the doorknob] Time is running out!
- Boris Badenov: Eight, seven, six...
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Hey, that one belongs to the Frostbite Falls Volunteer Fire Department.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Yeah! Wonder how they're starting the engine these days...
- Natasha Fatale: Give me my package, you fool!
- [Natasha takes the time bomb from Bullwinkle and tosses it out the window, where Boris stands below]
- Boris Badenov: Three, two, one!
- [the bomb explodes beside Boris, sending him skyward]
- Boris Badenov: That's what I like: precision timing.
- Narrator: Meanwhile, the fact that Bullwinkle's rocket fuel was made from his grandmother's fudge cake recipe was having a great effect on the whole country. Top scientists discarded their most complex apparatus...
- Top Scientist: Irwin, go get me an eight-inch cake tin and a set of cookie cutters.
- Narrator: Colleges changed their course of study...
- Lecturer: This year, gentlemen, we will study atomic structure, nuclear physics, and fudge making.
- Narrator: The effects spread to other countries...
- [Two Russians, blue from the cold, trudge through the snow of Siberia]
- Russian #1: But you are top nuclear physicist! How come you are sent to Siberia?
- Russian Scientist: My biscuits were too heavy.
- Narrator: In the U.S.A., grandmothers rose to national prominence. As advisers to the president...
- Grandmother #1: It's raining. You'd better put on your rubbers.
- Narrator: As scientists...
- Council Head: I'd like you to meet our new head of research and development.
- Grandmother #2: [posed as Whistler's Mother] Hello, boys.
- Narrator: Even bathing beauty contests took on a new look. Grandmothers reigned supreme.
- Narrator: A thunder of jets in an open sky, A streak of gray and a cheerful "Hi"; A loop, a whirl, and a vertical climb And once again you know it's time for Rocky! And his Friends.
- [from the Fractured Fairy Tales segment, "Rapunzel"]
- Peasant's Wife: Darling, I know this sounds fantastic and utterly absurd, but I have this uncontrollable desire to have a salad made from that European bellflower. You know, rampion.