Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007)

David Cross: Ian

Photos 

Quotes 

• David Seville : Ian, they don't want this anymore. Just let them go!

  Ian : But the guy just left, you should have said something about five seconds ago.

  Ian : [soft voice]  Come back.

  David Seville : Ian, they need a real life, not all of this. Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word'll get out, and no one will come to see them!

  Ian : [places hands on Dave's cheeks]  Dave, they're chipmunks, who talk. People will come.

  Ian : [to security guards]  Guys, with me.

  Ian : [singing]  Whoa, whoa... that's how we roll...

• Ian : Let's talk about your song, Dave.

  David Seville : Well, as crazy as it sounds, the original inspiration came to me...

  Ian : The song sucks, Dave.

  David Seville : What?

  Ian : Your song, it's awful, I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who's gonna sing it? Justin? Fergie? Not a chance. Come on, I need something new, something fresh...

  David Seville : But that is new.

  Ian : The next big thing. Dave, we go way back. We both come a long way since college. You, not so much. I wanted to like that song, but, you heard it... not that good. If I wasn't your friend, I'd say, "Dave, you go right back out of this office and you keep writing music, you'll get there someday." But I am your friend, so I'm going to tell you that there is no sense in writing songs that no one is ever, ever, going to sing.

  David Seville : Ever?

• Theodore : [climbs on Ian's bed]  Uncle Ian?

  Ian : [wakes up with a start]  What are you doing here?

  Theodore : Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare.

  Ian : Oh... you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too. In my nightmare, I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 countries. And, I had to coordinate 121 radio and print interviews in 5 different languages.

  Ian : [picks up Theodore]  And you know what Theo, the only difference is, in my nightmare, when I open my eyes, it doesn't end!

  Theodore : So... is that a no?

  [Ian throws Theodore out the door] 

  Theodore : Whoa... oh... oh...

• Ian : [glances outside his mansion]  Hello?... Hello?

  [Theodore smells Ian's foot and sneezes] 

  Ian : Kids.

  [closes door and heads back to the stairs] 

  Alvin (singing voice) , Simon (singing voice) , Theodore (singing voice) : [a capella]  Christmas, Christmas time is here / Time for toys and time for cheer / We can hardly stand the wait / Please Christmas, don't be late

  Ian : Welcome to Jett Records.

• Ian : You guys better study your French, because we're going to Partis tonight. OK?

• Ian : [last lines as he's trying to get squirrels to sing]  Okay, guys. Come on. Let's try it again. Here we go and sing. Come on. Sing for your Uncle Ian. Come on, sing. Why won't you sing? I said sing. Sing

  [stops playing the piano and leaned his head against the keys] 

• Ian : Alright people, settle in, settle in. It is a very special night tonight. Here at Jett Records we pride ourselves in bringing you tomorrow's music today. Oh, and guess what, I did it again. Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing their new hit single, give it up for Alvin, Simon, and Theodore!

  [audience applauds] 

• Ian : Dave Seville. Learn the name, look for the face. If he shows up tomorrow night, he doesn't get anywhere near my chipmunks. Got it?

  Security Guard : Got it.

• Alvin : This is absurd. I feel like P. Diddy with fur.

  Simon : And to be honest, the new songs don't really sound like us.

  Ian : Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know? It's all about today's edge.

  Theodore : Dave always said it was all about the music.

  Ian : [mocking]  Dave always said it was all- You know what? Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave-Dave is not here! Okay? It's me! It's fun Uncle Ian! All right? Okay?

• Ian : Hey, what do you think of this?

  [shows Alvin doll to Dave] 

  David Seville : What is it?

  Ian : It's Alvin.

  David Seville : That looks nothing like Alvin.

  Ian : Well, yeah. It's a prototype. We'll sell a million of those things. It's voice-activated. Here. Say something to it.

  David Seville : [grabs Alvin doll]  Hello, ugly little Alvin doll that looks nothing like Alvin.

  [doll speaks Japanese] 

  Ian : See? You love it. It's Spanish.

  David Seville : You know what? That's just weird.

• David Seville : Ian, they need a real life, not all of this! Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word will get out. No one will come to see them.

  Ian Hawke : Dave, they're chipmunks that talk. People will come.

• Ian Hawke : Captain, come here! Listen... Dave Seville. Learn the name, look for the face. If he shows up tomorrow night, he doesn't get *anywhere* near my Chipmunks, got it?

  Security Guard : Got it.