Death Valley Days (TV Series)

Count Me In, Count Me Out (1968)

Carl Schell: Count Peter Von Lornthing

Quotes 

• William Linn : Pete, why'd you do it? You're the best foreman I ever had. You speak a couple of languages...

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Five.

  William Linn : Yeah, and you're a whiz at figures and cattle and farming...

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : And architecture and wine making...

  William Linn : All right! Why'd you do it then?

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : It's my Conchita. I needed the money to marry her.

• Count Peter Van Lornthing : A Count Van Lornthing does not enter a bargain empty-handed.

  William Linn : Oh, I see. Without money, you're no bargain.

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Oh, no. Conchita loves me - and I can make her father even more rich. He'll be able to sit under the grape arbor with his grandsons on his knees and grow richer... but I didn't want to come as a begger. It was a matter of principle.

  William Linn : Well, you were kind of careless about *principle* when it came to my money.

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Well, I couldn't wait any longer. A rose left too long on a bush will go to seed.

• [Count Van Lornthing has agreed not to break out of Charley's jail until he gets paid for its construction] 

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : What's wrong? You look like you lost your last friend.

  Charley Converse : Don't say that! Look, I don't know how to tell you this, Pete, but it's them vaqueros.

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : [chuckling]  What about them?

  Charley Converse : Well, the commissioner just talked to 'em on the road about an hour ago. They're likely to be here any minute now, see.

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Oh, don't worry, Charley. They won't do anything to you. I'll tell them that you're a friend of mine.

  Charley Converse : Yeah, well, it ain't me I'm worried about, Pete. The don sent them after you. They're gonna kill ya! You see, the commissioner sent 'em the wrong way so I could be ready. He don't want a murder in a brand new jail, you understand.

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Charley, you're going to have to make a decision.

  Charley Converse : What do you mean?

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Would you prefer people to say you're a sloppy builder or a sloppy jailer?

  Charley Converse : ...If I get my druthers, I'd rather be a sloppy jailer.

• [Conchita bites the Count's hand] 

  Count Peter Van Lornthing : Don't do that again, my little cactus, or I'll take the sting out of you.