- Fred Ziffel: [angry when Arnold the Pig begins to bark] Did you hear that? Why, that hussy has taught him to bark like a dog.
- Doris Ziffel: Well, it doesn't hurt for somebody to know another language.
- Lisa Douglas: You don't know anything about love, do you?
- Oliver Douglas: Well, I am not an expert at it, I have looked at Peyton Place a couple of times.
- Fred Ziffel: [Lisa and Oliver start arguing in front of the Ziffels] Mr. Douglas, if we'd wanted to listen to fight, we'd have stayed at home.
- Oliver Douglas: Why don't you go over and see Mr. Haney and ask him to keep his dog away?
- Fred Ziffel: No, no, no, I don't talk to him.
- Doris Ziffel: No, they've been feuding for ten years.
- Oliver Douglas: What about?
- Fred Ziffel: Oh, I forget. But it must have been something pretty terrible, to make me remember it this long.
- Oliver Douglas: Well, that makes about as much sense as anything that's been said here today.
- Fred Ziffel: Mr. Douglas, now we don't want into sarcasm. What we want is advice.
- Hank Kimball: [about Quincy, his Irish Setter] Of course he isn't really for Ireland. Although he has a cousin that lives in Dublin. Yeah, Quincy writes to him every week. Well, he doesn't write to him, I write to him. Quincy dictates to me.
- Lisa Douglas: Well, I've never seen such inhospitootily.
- Oliver Douglas: That's my middle name: inhospitootily.