- Miss Dickinson: I've been watching you, you little madam. With your girlish wiles and your saucy ways, and now, it seems, your criminal cunning. You know what you are, don't you?
- Chelsea: A washed-up slapper.
- Miss Dickinson: Smart. Smarter than you think.
- Chelsea: I am?
- Miss Dickinson: And smart is cool.
- Chelsea: It is?
- Miss Dickinson: Yes. And very, very sexy.
- Flash Harry: I wanted to talk to you about the problems with the last batch.
- Tania, Tara: Problems, Flash?
- Flash Harry: The slightly bitter aftertaste, the people going blind after the second glass, that lady wot died...
- Tania: She was old.
- Tara: She could have gone at any time.
- Flash Harry: She was thirty-eight.
- Tania, Tara: Yeah?
- Miss Fritton: [quietly] Snooty cow.
- [realising Ms Bagstock heard her]
- Miss Fritton: [shouting] Emily Snooty-Cow! DO remember to stretch! Good girl!
- [confused looks from pitch]
- Flash Harry: What's this then? A sweet? A mini cigar?
- [sucks on the end]
- Taylor: They're tampons Flash.
- [disgusted gagging noise as Flash spits it out]
- Taylor: Women don't just want to feel beautiful on the outside!
- Emo Girl: We're not goth, we're emo.
- Bursar: OK girls, let's play clean. No biting, no scratching... kicking, no gouging, no kickboxing, no punching, no slapping, no spitting... uh... no gouging! And no no-regulation equipment. James, this is with you!
- [James is using a knife to sharpen her hockey stick into a spear]
- Bursar: OK, into position!
- [Bursar blows the whistle to start the game, and is immediately KO'ed with a stick blow]
- Geoffrey Thwaites: [Is discovered in one of the girls' rooms with his pants down] You wouldn't know the way to the hockey pitch, would you?
- [Cut to him being thrown out a window and landing in a fountain]
- Chelsea: [the earpieces Chelsea, Chloe and Peaches are using to help cheat during the quiz show are suddenly shut off, causing them to generate feedback right into the girls' ears] That hurt worse than a Brazilian wax.
- Quiz host: In which Shakespeare play would you find the following stage directions "exit pursued by a bear"?
- [buzzer sounds]
- Quiz host: Yes. Chas, Bedales.
- Bedales Pupil 1: Was it Winnie the Pooh?
- Quiz host: [as one of the Bedale pupils walks up to him] What are you doing? What are you doing? Chas, get back. I'm being touched! Derek, I'm being touched! Derek, someone's touching me!
- Hockey Spectators: [Chanting during hockey game] We're on to you, so watch your backs, Feel the fear, we're maniacs, St Trinian's!
- [the St. Trinian's girls surround Annabelle, who is strapped to a chair]
- Kelly: You've had this coming since the day you arrived, Fritton.
- Annabelle Fritton: What are you going to do to me?
- Kelly: [holds up an eyelash crimper and smiles] Give you a makeover, silly!