Family Guy (TV Series)

No Meals on Wheels (2007)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Angry Handicapped Vietnamese Guy, M.C. Escher

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : [buried beneath a pile of cripples and Ben Stiller has landed]  Ben Stiller, help me.

  Ben Stiller : No, Peter. I've heard what you've said about my movies.

  Peter Griffin : How did you hear?

  Ben Stiller : [pointing at his huge ears, speaking angrily]  Uh, hello!

  Peter Griffin : Go to hell you mutant offspring of comedy people.

• [Brian is sitting on the couch reading a book; Peter sneaks up behind him laughing and shocks him] 

  Brian Griffin : Ow! Damn it, Peter! Stop it! I gotta tell you, you're pissing me off worse than when I watched the O.J. verdict with my old roommate!

  [cut to Brian and his roommate watching TV] 

  Woman : We, the jury, find the defendant, Orenthal James Simpson, not guilty.

  Roommate : Yes!

  Brian Griffin : What the hell?

  Brian Griffin , Roommate : What?

  [both take out guns and aim at each other] 

  Brian Griffin : Maybe we should get new roommates.

  Roommate : Yeah, maybe we should.

• Peter Griffin : [in a cutaway when he swaps voices with Patrick Stewart]  Hey, Lois. Sorry about the mess in the upstairs bathroom this morning. My post-sex pee stream forked in half last night and got everywhere.

• Peter Griffin : Joe, I thought you were bringing all your cops buddies here. What are all these parallelograms doing here?

  Joe Swanson : Peter, they're paraplegics.

• Peter Griffin : Welcome to Big Pete's House of Munch. May I help you?

  Customer : Yes, do you accept the Discover card?

  Peter Griffin : Hey, Lois. Diamond Jim Brady over here just asked if we accept the Discover card.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, they're in an exclusive club called "anybody."

  Peter Griffin : Yeah. No, no, no, I don't think so. You know... You know, I would rather take two live chickens than your fly-by-night credit card. I would rather take a jar of pennies thats value was less than that of your bill.

  Customer : Look, you don't have to insult me.

  Peter Griffin : No, no, no. You are going to sit there and listen to the funny things I would take instead of your credit card.