- Vinnie: I highly recommend you pay me protection money, Lone Starr.
- Lone Starr: Protection? Protection from who?
- Vinnie: Protection from me.
- Lone Starr: [chuckles] I don't need protection from you.
- Vinnie: Oh, yes you do. When I get angry, I break heads. And when people don't cooperate with my extortion...
- Lone Starr: You get angry?
- Vinnie: No. When people don't cooperate with my extortion I get depressed.
- Lone Starr: I see... and, and when you get depressed, you get angry?
- Vinnie: No. When I get depressed, I get hungry.
- Lone Starr: And when you get hungry you get angry?
- Vinnie: Shut it, Dr. Phil, whould ya? When I get hungry, I start eating and when I start eating I get fat. And when I get fat...
- Lone Starr: Then you get angry?
- Vinnie: No, then my doctor gets angry. Because he's already told me a thousand times my cholesterol is too high. And when my doctor gets angry, that's when I get angry. I don't like disappointing him. So just pay me a million starbucks.
- Princess Vespa: [on phone] Hi, this is Princess Vespa, I'd like to place an order for item 94563? Yes, the matching space jets. Eh, but forget the his, give me to hers instead.
- Dot Matrix: [judging Druidian Idol] You know, you've got a very unique voice. You should be in silent films.
- Lone Starr: Eh, I think my ears bleeding.
- President Skroob: What misguided being told you had any singing ability whatsoever?
- Contestant: My zebra, sir.
- President Skroob: You're zebra's an asshole.
- Lone Starr: [on cellphone] Yogurt, I need your help.
- Yogurt: Right now? I'm in the middle of something.
- Bingo leader: N-42...
- Lone Starr: But where in the middle of the end of planet Druidia.
- Yogurt: Well, the middle of the end, that's better than the end of the end.