Adopt a Sailor (2008)

Bebe Neuwirth: Patricia

Quotes 

• Sailor : [Speaking of Richard's profession]  Wow, a movie maker.

  Patricia : Oh, well, careful. Richard makes films, not movies. There's a big difference.

  Sailor : What difference is that?

  Patricia : Well, as far as I can tell; movies, people want to see. Films, on the other hand, people need to be talked into seeing.

  Sailor : Huh.

  Patricia : Yup. And Richard makes films.

• Patricia : [an upper Westside sophisticate]  We New Yorkers must seem a little strange to you, huh?

  Sailor : [a "hayseed" from Turkey Scratch, AR]  : Oh, I think y'all are great... a tad... uh, what's that word? Yeah, a tad provincial, but otherwise I think y'all are first rate.

  Patricia : Wait, wait. Did you just call us provincial?

  Sailor : Uh, yes, ma'am, I guess I did. I don't mean any offense. It's just an observation is all.

  Patricia : That's a little bit of stretch, wouldn't you say?

  Sailor : Why would that be, ma'am?

  Patricia : Well, maybe we're not on the same wavelength when it comes to the definition of provincial.

  Sailor : Jeez, maybe we're not.

  Patricia : Well, when I think of someone as being provincial, I think of them as being small minded - you know, being prejudiced in their views, not being open to differing influences, especially philosophically.

  Sailor : [long pause]  Huh! What do you know? That's... that's how I think of provincial, too.

  Patricia : Oh...

  [laugh of recognition] 

  Patricia : ...is that right?

  Sailor : I guess it all depends on which side of the pot you're pissin' in, huh, ma'am?

• Patricia : Yes, well, it's good to know that if we ever come under attack again, there's an army of slightly overweight metrosexual filmmakers out there ready to leap to our defense.

  Richard : Well, that's hardly fair.

  Patricia : Provided, of course, the lighting is right.

• Patricia : You stay a chicken, okay?

• Patricia : What's the point of getting married if we can't be unattractive to each other?

  Richard : I thought the point of getting married was to placate your father before he died.

  Patricia : No. No, you're forgetting that's the sentimental reason we leak to friends. The real reason is because you can't make money and you knew my family had plenty of it. Ring a bell?

• Patricia : Well, why is the man from the Cracker Jack box standing in our living room?

• Richard : You were speaking about Susan.

  Patricia : [referring to the young man in her living room]  She got one of these last year. She got one of these...

  Richard : Human beings?

  Patricia : No, sailor people!

• Patricia : You know, I know it's polite, but every time you say "ma'am," it's a sword through the heart of my deeply held delusion that I'm still... you know... alive.

  Sailor : Yes, ma'am.

• Patricia : I love children. I think they are indispensable, especially in regard to our need to repopulate the Earth every once in a while.

• Patricia : Although, I am curious why you think I'm mean to him.

  Sailor : Well, just the way you talk to him. Y'all don't talk as much as sword fight, except with words.

• Patricia : Richard, I swear to God, if I see your thumb go anywhere near your mouth, I'm gonna break it off and eat it right in front of you.

• Patricia : Is it just me, Richard, or is there a huge neon, blinking red target on the middle of my forehead?

  Richard : Not that I can make out.

  Patricia : Why is the world trying to kill me, then?

  Richard : Somebody I know have a grumpity-grump day?

  Patricia : It's the tone out there. It's dissonant.