- Stanley Hudson: [the office workers find the gate has been locked] Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
- Jim Halpert: Nope. I didn't. But let's go inside and I can call him right now.
- Pam Beesly: We can't. I locked the office from the inside when we left.
- Stanley Hudson: Perfect. You guys worked together on this one. If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, you're both dead.
- Pam Beesley: There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?", he said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
- Kelly Kapoor: If *I* had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.
- Ryan Howard: Do you have a question, Kelly?
- Kelly Kapoor: Yeah. I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?
- [Michael starts slow-clapping]
- Pam Beesly: What's wrong, Michael?
- Michael Scott: I got gum in my hair.
- Pam Beesly: You do.
- Michael Scott: This just stinks.
- [to Dwight, who is trying to get it out]
- Michael Scott: Don't touch it. Please don't touch it.
- Dwight Schrute: You've got a ton of dandruff.
- Michael Scott: Okay, let me be.
- Jim Halpert: How'd you get gum in your hair?
- Michael Scott: I was walking in, and I noticed something shinny under Stanley's car, and I got under to see what it was, and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
- Jim Halpert: But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
- Michael Scott: Kill me... right now.
- Pam Beesly: We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
- Michael Scott: I don't feel like peanut butter.
- [to Dwight, who rushes to kitchen for the peanut butter]
- Michael Scott: Get me an ice cream sandwich.
- Jim Halpert: Nope. Not for you, it's for your hair, and it is 9 am.
- Pam Beesly: No, Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad.
- Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we're talking about.
- Michael Scott: [while Ryan is passed out on his bed and Dwight sleeps beside him] Like I said, it's not about the horniness, it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, Boys on the side. But I don't, I disagree, I say... let's hear it for the boys.