Late Night with Conan O'Brien (TV Series)

Claire Danes/Jonah Hill/Teddy Thompson (2007)

Conan O'Brien: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Conan O'Brien : [regarding "Quackers" the duck eating its own feces]  I haven't seen anyone do that since college. Good Lord. It was this guy we knew on the third floor. Wow, all right. My apologies to everybody. Clearly, you can't train a duck to do that; that was just one of those things that happens.

  [the duck quacks] 

  Conan O'Brien : Yeah. Oh yeah, NOW you're complaining about the taste in your mouth.

  [audience laughter] 

  Conan O'Brien : The duck's like, "Ack! Ack! Ack! What is that? Ack!" You ate your own feces! "Ack! Anyone got a mint?" That's what he's saying. All right, okay, we should move this thing along. Good Lord, my apologies to everyone.

  [the duck continues to quack] 

  Conan O'Brien : Oh, now you're gonna do that while I'm trying to talk? Uh today is an im...

  [pause as he looks at the duck] 

  Conan O'Brien : Today is an important day. I'm not sure I can actually go forward. We have other business... there's a shit-eating duck over here.

  [audience laughter] 

  Conan O'Brien : I'm sorry! I don't swear often, but that's what he did! I think Quackers has to go, I'm sorry.

  [audience expresses disapproval] 

  Conan O'Brien : I can't boo, I think- okay. No, okay, the crowd has voted, let's leave Quackers.

  [someone opens the door next to the duck] 

  Conan O'Brien : ... Who are you? Are you with Quackers, or is this just a late audience member just walked in? What kind of show are we running here tonight? Ducks are eating their poop, people are wandering in? What the hell's going on? Let's get this thing together!

  [knocks over mic, which briefly echoes]