- Dr. Archie Morris: I hooked myself up with a tight, little sex machine. Energy-efficient to the tune of 40-plus miles per gallon, and draws babes to Archie like bees to honey.
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: Ew, that made me throw up in my mouth a little.
- Frank Martin: So did the Medical Board make another deadly error in judgment?
- Dr. Gregory Pratt: Yes they have, Frank, I passed.
- Bartholomew Lefkowitz: I did not survive a pogrom, a gulag, and a bris in a back alley just so I could be baked like a strudel.
- [the rest of the staff doesn't like the singers]
- Dr. Tony Gates: Some people actually like it.
- Dr. Gregory Pratt: Oh yeah, what people?
- [Tony indicates to Frank, who is singing along]
- Nurse Chuny Marquez: Frank's not people.
- Dr. Lucien Dubenko: I'd like to discuss Zelinsky's progress.
- Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Yeah, about that...
- Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Tomorrow, not now.
- Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Tomorrow?
- Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Yeah, I don't want to say anything too cruel, which I'm at risk of doing if we discuss it at this moment, so we'll talk about Dr. Rain Man tomorrow.
- Dr. Archie Morris: Mr. Lefkowitz, did Mr. Perkins have any new pills at the home?
- Bartholomew Lefkowitz: They're always giving us pills. You can't poop, they give you a pill. Complain about the government, you get a pill!
- Dr. Archie Morris: Can you be more specific?
- Bartholomew Lefkowitz: Try to get people to vote for Obama, they got a pill for that too!
- [Archie and Hope have broken up]
- Dr. Archie Morris: No big deal. It was very mutual.
- Nurse Samantha Taggart: That's good.
- Dr. Archie Morris: Except it was all her idea, and I begged her not to do it. But I'm fine with it now, it's all good.
- Dr. Archie Morris: Lady for you on three, chief.
- Dr. Archie Morris: I hope she chokes on a mojito.
- Pamela Olbes: Air conditioner broke down at a nursing home. Multiple victims with hyperthermia and dehydration, another five coming in the van.
- Bartholomew Lefkowitz: Yeah, they turned our place into Kentucky Fried Old Folks!