- Dr. Allison Cameron: [House is about to pay a $100 bet to Cameron] Cash will be fine.
- Dr. Gregory House: I bet you say that to all the guys.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The Doctors' lounge is covered in mud.
- Dr. Gregory House: Thirteen and Cut-throat Bitch had a disagreement, and the cafeteria was out of Jello.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber Volakis, one of Dr. House's new fellows.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sexual harassment claims go through HR, stress-related leaves through worker's comp and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to the Princeton-Plainsboro police department.
- Dr. Gregory House: [referring to Cole] Dark religious nut.
- Cole: What did you call me?
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. What do you people want to be called this week?
- Cole: Cole.
- [Dobson and Taub are fighting]
- Dr. Gregory House: That is just great.
- Henry Dobson: What is?
- Dr. Chris Taub: Which one of us is?
- Dr. Gregory House: Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other one wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: I hate Thirteen!
- Dr. Gregory House: Not as productively.
- Dr. Gregory House: What did the angio say?
- Cole: We couldn't finish it. She started groping me.
- Dr. Gregory House: You couldn't let her get to second base just to get the test done?
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: I think that's third base.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: It could be a tumor to the temporal lobe.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Not with a normal CT scan.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.
- Dr. Gregory House: Way to get right back on that horse, Thirteen.
- Thirteen: No, that was Amber.
- Dr. Gregory House: Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch. That was the worst Thirteen imitation I've ever heard.
- [Cole just punched House]
- Dr. Amber Volakis: I know what she has!
- Dr. Gregory House: You couldn't have spoken up 10 seconds ago? You could have saved me a hundred bucks.
- Dr. Gregory House: Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last half hour?
- Cole: No.
- Dr. Gregory House: Check your e-mail.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [to House about Cole] Just because he's religious doesn't mean he won't kick your ass.
- Dr. Gregory House: You wanna bet?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him.
- Dr. Gregory House: [pulls a dollar bill out of his desk] One hundred dollars.
- [Cameron smiles at him]
- Dr. Gregory House: Smart call.
- [puts the money in his pocket]
- Dr. Gregory House: Guy's a wuss. He's gonna be the next one on the train.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Define "kick your ass."
- Dr. Gregory House: Any physical confrontation...
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Or verbal?
- Dr. Gregory House: Define verbal.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Anything over... 70 decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him.
- Dr. Gregory House: You realize what you're encouraging here.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah. Someone kicking your ass.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Taub] Doctor's lounge. Let's go.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Why me?
- Dr. Gregory House: Well, I can't ask the black guy or one of the chicks to do it. That would be insensitive.
- Dr. Chris Taub: And you can't ask Bosley because that'd look like you only hired the non-doctor to do non-doctor stuff.
- Dr. Gregory House: You keep stalling, you're still gonna clean up, but I won't let you have the mop.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy, about what he had the candidates dig up a body for] Little tiny piece of his brain. Seemed a waste. He wasn't using it anymore.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cole] You have oatmeal on your pants.
- [Cole looks at his pants and looks around; Kutner looks up]
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Do you have a camera in here?
- Dr. Gregory House: No. I was guessing. He had oatmeal on his pants yesterday and the day before. Have one of your wives look after the spawn.
- Cole: I'm a single dad.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Where's the single mom?
- Cole: I have no idea.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cole] You okay with an answer based on evolution?
- Cole: Yeah.
- Dr. Gregory House: Hypocrite.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Cuddy] I've rethought some things.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Glad to hear it.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm prepared to come back on a number of conditions. I want the raise you promised, plus five percent. I want my own office and a personal assistant.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: It's not unreasonable.
- [Foreman smiles]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I will give you... none of those.
- [smiles]
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You can come back at your original salary.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [frowns and looks confused] What's going on?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You haven't rethought anything. You've just been blackballed. You're "House Lite" now. The only administrator that will touch you is the one who hired "House Classic." Good news is, she'll pretend she's not doing you a favor.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I can start Monday.
- Dr. Pilcher: [as he goes through Foreman's résumé] Dr. House is a dangerous egomaniac.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's why I left. We had different ideas on how to practice.
- Dr. Pilcher: Glad to hear it. Tell me about Mercy.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: To be honest, I don't think Dr. Schaffer really gave me a chance.
- Dr. Pilcher: Obviously not. You were there for three weeks. What happened?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Saved a patient's life.
- Dr. Pilcher: That's usually not grounds for dismissal.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Have you spoken to her?
- Dr. Pilcher: Yes.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Then why are you asking me what happened?
- Dr. Pilcher: You have an excellent résumé. I felt I owed it to you to hear what you had to say.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: What'd she tell you?
- Dr. Pilcher: That you defied her instructions and hospital procedures.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's what happened. Nothing more I can add to that.
- Dr. Pilcher: You could tell me that you were wrong.
- [Foreman is silent; he puts Foreman's résumé aside]
- Dr. Pilcher: Sounds like you didn't leave House quite soon enough.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Amber] I don't know what House wants you to do and I don't want to know, but if you really have a problem with it, quit now. It's only gonna get worse.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: So Thirteen, you grow up around here?
- Thirteen: We're digging up a grave and you want to chit-chat?
- Dr. Amber Volakis: I'm just making conversation. It's what people do. Why are you hiding everything? And I'm asking you that question because you're hiding everything. There's something seriously wrong with you. I'm worried.
- Thirteen: [smiles] No, you're not.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Fine, but I am freaked because I don't think you're a freak. I think you're doing this on purpose because you know House will be intrigued.
- [Thirteen is quiet for a second and then nods her head]
- Thirteen: Yeah, I grew up around here.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Cole] I have a theory. Maybe you can help me out. Black Mormon means masochist. Means kinky. I'm thinking that someone got hurt making the bastard. Am I right?
- Cole: You leave my son out of this.
- Dr. Gregory House: I wasn't referring to your kid's hypocrisy. I was referring to yours.
- Dr. Brady: [while reading Foreman's résumé] I met House at a conference about five years ago. He's quite a character.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Yes, he is.
- Dr. Brady: Probably one of the best medical minds of our generation.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I agree. I... I learned an awful lot from him.
- Dr. Brady: I'll bet you did. I see here you just did a stint at Mercy. Great. It says here "'07 to present." How long were you there?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: About a month. Dr. Schaffer was great, but just wasn't the right fit.
- Dr. Brady: Wait, was that you with Dr. Schaffer and the lymphoma patient?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It was, uh, it was a tough situation. I probably could've handled it better.
- Dr. Brady: No. Dr. Schaffer's got a stick up her rear. Good for you. What made you so sure it was lymphoma?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: There was an unusual lactic acid level in one of her labs. I had a similar case a few months ago.
- Dr. Brady: Beautiful. God, I wish I had your stones.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [chuckles] Well, my stones are on the market.
- Dr. Brady: No, I mean, seriously, I wish I had your stones. Then I could cram you down the board of directors.
- [Foreman frowns nervously]
- Dr. Brady: But I don't. I'm sorry, man. Good luck.
- [hands Foreman his résumé back]
- Cole: [to House] Just shut up already! We got a patient dying!
- Dr. Gregory House: Either got to prescribe an exorcism or admit to me that Smith was a horny fraud.
- [Cole punches him in the mouth]