- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "If songs were written about life's most embarrassing moments."
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] Why can't I control my bowels?
- Kathy Greenwood: [singing] I love you sooooo much, oops, I farted.
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] Hey, that's me with the booger in my nose, booger in my nose, booger in my nose! Hey, that's me with the booger...
- Wayne Brady: [singing] We made love at 5:06, and I was done by 5:07. And I was...
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] Hey, I didn't mean to cook your dog, but hey, those things just happen. Mine was just standin' there, and his little toes, they started tappin'. So I cut his throat, let go, take a goat, and then I put him on the barbecue...
- [is pulled off-stage by Ryan]
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Hollywood Director"]
- [playing a hunky plumber]
- Ryan Stiles: Well all your pipes are cleaned out. I guess I should be on my way, I've got another hunky plumbing job to do.
- Kathy Greenwood: Please, Mr. Hunky Plumber, please, just, just come with me, and we;'ll try it together, just one.
- Ryan Stiles: Well if you don't mind puttin' on your clothes first, I'll hang around for a little while.
- Kathy Greenwood: Did I forget my clothes again?
- Ryan Stiles: Yes you did. Third time this week. That's one problem toilet, you might wanna get a new one.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director"] Cut cut cut cut cut! May I just say, we've scaled the heights of Mount Evercrap!