- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the president] If you order right now, we will send absolutely free, absolutely nothing!
- Ryan Stiles: BUT ACT NOW!
- Colin Mochrie: RIGHT now! We have operators somewhere!
- [pretends to laugh with Colin]
- Ryan Stiles: I gotta say, Colin.
- Colin Mochrie: What, Ryan?
- Ryan Stiles: If there was just one man who was alive today, I would vote for him. Who do you think I'm talkin' about?
- [Colin flaps his lips while thinking]
- Ryan Stiles: Jim...
- Colin Mochrie: [interrupting] Millard Fillmore.
- Ryan Stiles: Who?
- Colin Mochrie: Millard Fillmore.
- Ryan Stiles: No no, not your math teacher. I'm talking about Jim Morrison.
- Colin Mochrie: Oh!
- Ryan Stiles: Remember him?
- Colin Mochrie: Yes!
- Ryan Stiles: He used to be with a little band called The Doors.
- [an audience member shouts, "Hooooo!"]
- Ryan Stiles: [Ryan looks around, puzzled] Sorry, time's up. Our free offer has ended.
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Greatest Hits", about songs of the president] Hey Ryan, what does this remind you of? Mood rings...
- [pause; audience laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: white suits... pet rocks?
- Ryan Stiles: Your wedding.