The Boondocks (TV Series)

Tom, Sarah and Usher (2007)

Cedric Yarbrough: Tom Dubois

Photos 

Quotes 

• A Pimp Named Slickback : This is my state-of-the-art surveillance center.

  Tom Dubois : Why does a pimp need a surveillance center?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Included in your retainer fee is state-of-the-art bitch surveillance. Quiet Storm, here, has been monitoring your wife's conversations and emails.

  Quiet Storm : Daddy, I've got transcripts of all the conversations today. No mention of Usher. I'm hacking into her email now, but this computer is running a bit slow. Perhaps if we didn't have dial-up...

  A Pimp Named Slickback : [Slaps Quiet Storm with a magazine]  Bitch, don't start with that "we need another computer" shit again! You say that shit every time a new iMac comes out. You ain't Slick, you better make that G4 work, bitch, and stop playin' with me!

  Quiet Storm : Yes, daddy.

• A Pimp Named Slickback : Did you know that at least 75% of bitches suffer from some kind of hearing loss? This alarming statistic means that, more likely than not, talking is not the most effective way to communicate with a bitch. That's when you have to hit her.

  Tom Dubois : Whoa, what?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : You tell her what you want her to do. If she say no, hit the bitch! Simple.

  Tom Dubois : But I couldn't hit Sarah. I couldn't hit *any* woman.

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Has *not* hitting the bitch been working? I mean, scientifically speaking, has not hitting the bitch achieved the desired result?

  Tom Dubois : No way! I just, I can't, I couldn't, I won't!

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Tom, take a deep breath. It's okay, people have phobias. Some niggas can't cross bridges, you can't go upside a bitch's head. Okay, we can beat this.

• Tom Dubois : What was your name again?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Well, thank you for asking. My name is A Pimp Named Slickback.

  Tom Dubois : Wait, a pimp?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Named Slickback, yes. Please say the whole thing if you would? Yes, that includes the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes, Tom, every time.

  Tom Dubois : Look, Mr. A Pimp Named Slickback...

  A Pimp Named Slickback : No need for the "Mr."

  Tom Dubois : I don't think I need any help from someone like you.

  A Pimp Named Slickback : And by "someone like me," you mean a pimp? A bad guy?

  Tom Dubois : Now, look, I'm not trying to insult you. I just don't approve of what you people do to women.

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Oh, so I'm wrong, so I'm messed up. Well, which one of us is missing a bitch, Tom? You don't see *me* running around looking for a bitch. I know where all my bitches are, thank you very much.

  [makes a phone call] 

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Bitch, where you at?

  Bitch 242 : I'm out here gettin' yo money.

  A Pimp Named Slickback : That's what the hell I thought. Thank you, Gramma.

• Riley Freeman : [laughs at Tom]  Usher? That dick is *my* age!

  Tom Dubois : So, you guys don't think I'm overreacting?

  Robert 'Granddad' Freeman : I don't think so. You a big-time lawyer, and Sarah's acting all crazy over an usher?

  Huey Freeman : Not *an* usher. Usher, he's a singer.

  Robert 'Granddad' Freeman : Ushers ain't supposed to sing. You can't hear the movie!

• Tom Dubois : And so, sweetie, that's why Daddy is staying over at the Freeman's house. So Mommy can have her space.

  Jazmine Dubois : So you're not getting a divorce?

  Tom Dubois : Oh, no, sweetie.

  Jazmine Dubois : So, Usher *won't* be my new daddy?

  Tom Dubois : What? No, that's ridiculous!

  Jazmine Dubois : Oh, are you sure? Maybe just for a *little* while? I mean, you like it here, don't you, Daddy? This is, uh, a pretty good sized room.

• Tom Dubois : Uh, what's going on, guys?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Mr. Dubois, my name is A Pimp Named Slickback, sir, and this is an intervention.

  Tom Dubois : An intervention?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Your friends have reason to believe that you are suffering from Chronic Bitch Dependency, Mr. Dubois. May I call you Tom?

  Tom Dubois : Is this some kind of joke?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Tom, Bitch Dependency is no laughing matter. Addiction to a bitch can fuck with your friends, your health, and, scary enough, even your money. It's a disease, Tom.

• Sarah Dubois : I don't think one more glass of wine will kill you.

  Tom Dubois : No, but driving under the influence of alcohol could kill me or you, or somebody's baby. Worse yet, I'd spend the next 20 years in jail being...

  Sarah Dubois , Tom Dubois : anally raped.

  Sarah Dubois : Yeah, let's talk more about your violated rectum. Oh, I find it so romantic.

• Tom Dubois : Do I have to call her a bitch? Really?

  A Pimp Named Slickback : Yes, Tom. You have to call her a bitch. Trust me on this one. I've done the research.