Torchwood (TV Series)
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2008)
James Marsters: Captain John Hart
Photos
Quotes
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Captain John Hart : You've put on weight!
Captain Jack Harkness : You're losing your hair.
Captain John Hart : What are you wearing?
Captain Jack Harkness : Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes.
Captain John Hart : Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm.
Captain Jack Harkness : Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks!
Captain John Hart : I bet the ranks were very grateful... I need a drink.
Captain Jack Harkness : I thought you'd never ask.
[Captain John downs a bottle of vodka]
Captain Jack Harkness : So, uh, how was rehab?
Captain John Hart : Rehabs. Plural.
Captain Jack Harkness : Drink, drugs, sex and...
Captain John Hart : [grins] Murder.
Captain Jack Harkness : [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
Captain John Hart : I know, ridiculous! The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Captain Jack Harkness : [sobers] You clean now?
Captain John Hart : Yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.
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Captain John Hart : [regarding himself and Jack] We were partners.
Ianto Jones : In what way?
Captain John Hart : In every way.
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Captain Jack Harkness : [Introducing the team] Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet...
Captain John Hart : Captain John Hart.
Captain Jack Harkness : We go back.
Captain John Hart : Excuse me, we more than go back; we were partners.
Ianto Jones : [Softly] In what way?
Captain John Hart : In every way, and then some.
Captain Jack Harkness : It was two weeks.
Captain John Hart : Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
Captain Jack Harkness : You were the wife.
Captain John Hart : *You* were the wife.
Captain Jack Harkness : No, you were the wife.
Captain John Hart : Oh, but I was a *good* wife!
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Gwen Cooper : What happened to Jack? He should be here!
Captain John Hart : What I've been saying all along: unreliable.
Gwen Cooper : Shut up!
Captain John Hart : [looking out the window] I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place: she's beautiful, he's stunning...
Gwen Cooper : Do you ever stop?
Captain John Hart : What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous.
Gwen Cooper : That's a poodle.
Captain John Hart : [savagely] That's nice.
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Ianto Jones : [about Jack's WristComm] Woah, that never beeps.
Captain Jack Harkness : That's what I was thinking.
[presses button]
Captain John Hart : [via Hologram] I can't believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that's more important than me? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body - all me. Sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up. Now, Drinks! Retrolog the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do.
[American accent]
Captain John Hart : "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."
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Captain John Hart : You live in a sculpture. Could you be any more pretentious?
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Captain John Hart : Ho, ho, do you have a team name? I love team names; go on.
Captain Jack Harkness : Torchwood.
Captain John Hart : Oh. Not Excalibur? Uh, Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.
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Toshiko Sato : You said this was a dying woman's request.
Captain John Hart : Yeah, she was dying - I shot her.
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Gwen Cooper : [dragging John towards the crack in the rift] We have to go!
Captain John Hart : Woah! What about a last minute rescue? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last minute rescue?
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Gwen Cooper : [heavily annoyed] You are unbelievable.
Captain John Hart : [smugly] And yet you still find me strangely attractive.
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Captain Jack Harkness : [about John] Three rules. One, don't believe anything he say. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
Gwen Cooper : As if I would!
Captain John Hart : Has he got to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented that one because he wants me all to himself.
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Captain John Hart : What a cosmic joke, eye candy. An accident of chemicals and evolution. The jokes, the sex - just to cover the fact that nothing means anything. And the only consolation is money.
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[last lines]
Captain John Hart : Oh. By the way. Meant to tell you, I found Gray.
Gwen Cooper : Who's Gray?
Captain Jack Harkness : It's nothing.
[sighs]
Captain Jack Harkness : Let's get back to work.