Better Than Crazy (2015)

Nick Leonti: Dave

Quotes 

• Robert : How long have you two been together?

  Mary Ann : Three years.

  Dave : It seems like so much longer. I mean, I can't remember a time without you.

  Mary Ann : The best three years of your life, right?

  Dave : Yeah...

  Caroline : We can tell.

• Caroline : Sarah, have you really not had a shot before?

  Sarah : Nope!

  Dave : That can't be true.

  Sarah : It's true!

  Jack : I believe it.

  Dave : Wait...

  Sarah : No! I've had white zin!

  Jack : Well, this is just like white zin, except that it's a lot stronger and you're gonna end up with your panties on your head.

• Jack : I was partying pretty hard last week and my landlord told me that if I did it again, he'd kick me out.

  Sarah : So it's a foregone conclusion that you're getting kicked out.

  Jack : I might need to live in the Winnebago. Does anyone have a problem with that?

  Sarah : Yes! We have to split it! You can't live in it.

  Jack : How can we split the Winnebago?

  Caroline : Have you ever even been inside the Winnebago?

  Dave : LET'S ARM-WRESTLE FOR IT!

• Dave : Aunt Ethel...

  Mary Ann : What is with the geese?

  Dave : I see why you hated nature. Those geese are fucking up my speech for you! I had something prepared - it was gonna be great. But I blame the geese.

  Caroline : I live on a lake. I can't help it.

  Dave : Thanks for not being fat, Aunt Ethel. That has nothing to do with you.

  Caroline : Really?

  Dave : That was an unrelated thing that I had between me and my Great Aunt Ethel.

  Caroline : Really?

• Jack : It's sad. Here we are, trying to bring up your heritage - OUR heritage - of corn dogs.

  Robert : Heritage of corn dogs?

  Jack : Yes!

  Dave : And lack of pants.

  Jack : And lack of pants. The two things our family is famous for.

• Dave : Let me get this straight. You've gone from singing songs about French fries to singing songs about soda pop?

  Caroline : You know what? SHANK!

  Dave : What's next, nachos?

  Caroline : Ooo...

  Dave : Roast beef?

  Caroline : Shank.

  Dave : Hot dogs?

  Caroline : BFF.

  Dave : Omelettes?

  Caroline : BFF.

  Dave : Jalapeño poppers?

  Caroline : BFF.

  Dave : Chicken wings?

  Caroline : Shank.

  Dave : Meatloaf?

  Caroline : BFF.

  Dave : Dill relish?

  Caroline : On a sandwich or alone?

  Dave : Just out of the jar.

  Caroline : BFF.

  Dave : Tacos y burritos?

  Caroline : What?

  Dave : I was speaking Spanish.

  Jack : El burrito!

  Caroline : BFF. Burritos of any kind, BFF. Go on.

• Robert : You want me to go first? I'll go first. Let me think... my favorite cousin story. Sarah - do remember that time you were drinking those drinks in Davis, I think. What were those...?

  Caroline : Wikki Wakki Woos.

  Robert : That's right - what were in those?

  Dave : Those were terrible!

  Caroline : That's because they were made for college girls who think Long Island Iced Teas are weak.

  Dave : My kind of college girls!

• Dave : I got you Pocahontie, the Indian Princess. She has a movable waist and... arms.

  Sarah : No movable legs?

  Dave : She doesn't need em. That's her way.

  Sarah : She has a crutch! And a gun! A giant gun!

  Dave : She likes to shoot with one hand and hobble with the other.

  Sarah : Thank you. I will treasure this always.