Hollywood & Wine (2011 Video)

Norm MacDonald: Sid Blaustein

Quotes 

• Sid Blaustein : My movies will be seen in every hotel... Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. Every hotel that allows facial cumshots.

• Sid Blaustein : I don't like to kiss and tell, but she happens to be one of the best teabaggers east of the Mississippi.

• Sid Blaustein : You won't be appearing in my movies, I just need an acting coach. My actors, well, they're not very good, quite frankly. I had a fellow the other day who was supposed to be ejaculating, but he wasn't very convincing. He seemed like a fellow who wasn't ejaculating.

• Sid Blaustein : The last time I saw acting in this businesses was Linda Lovelace. She didn't need to do acrobatics, she could arch her eyebrow and a fella would cum all over her in an arching rope of jizz.

• Sid Blaustein : If you don't mind, Hattie and I have a little tea party to attend to. And when I say "tea party", I don't mean drinking tea or anything like that, I mean my balls in Hattie's mouth.

• Sid Blaustein : I was an actor back in the '70s. In my day, we didn't have the production value we had now. We didn't have fluffers, we had to jack ourselves off. Also, the women weren't always women. Sometimes they were men. Now let's stop sucking each other off and get to work.

• Assistant : Hondydew's asking if she should spit or swallow.

  Sid Blaustein : You tell her that a little protein never hurt anyone.

• Sid Blaustein : Making love is a beautiful thing. A gal should never say to a fella, "why don't you shoot that cum over my hot asshole". That's not love.

• Sid Blaustein : I've been around for a while, and I've learned that bad people aren't as bad as you think they are, and good people aren't as good. We're a mixed bag. Remember that. Oh, by the way, these two pricks in the parking lot gave me a note for you.

  Jack Sanders : [reading note]  You are cordially invited to a Memorial Day bukakke blow-out?

  Sid Blaustein : Oh! That's not the note, that's an engagement I'm attending.

• Hawk : You blackmailing me, Sid?

  Sid Blaustein : You know me, I'm in the porno business. I'm a dirty fuck.

• Sid Blaustein : I remember one time we were in Mexico and Ole Hawk here says "I bet you I can vaginally penetrate the donkey."

• Diane : You're finally getting out of the porn industry!

  Sid Blaustein : Oh, no, no. I'm currently on preproduction on "Black Ass Fuckers #6". Some people say it's gonna be better than "Black Ass Fuckers #4". I always thought, on its own merits, "Black Ass Fuckers #3" was wildly disregarded. Say, is that a cotton candy machine over there? I haven't seen one of those in over 30 years.

• Sid Blaustein : I've been in this business for over 40 years. Things sure have changed. I remember when we were kinda cool. We showed our movies in real theaters and even had premeires. It's all different now. It's all hate fucking.

• Sid Blaustein : Well, let's make us a dirty porno, shall we?