- Tristan Farnon: Just because there's a firing squad lined up outside doesn't mean you have to go and stand in front of it.
- James Herriot: I have *never* in my *life* seen such an appalling display of unsportsmanlike and downright *criminal* behavior! If anyone should be ashamed, it's you lot!
- Tristan Farnon: You could always lie. Hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the backside.
- James Herriot: Because that's worked *so* well for you in the past.
- James Herriot: So have you had your invitation yet?
- Tristan Farnon: What invitation?
- James Herriot: Tea with the parents.
- Siegfried Farnon: Where on earth did you learn to shoot like that?
- Mrs Hall: What did you think we did in the WRNS? Embroidery?
- Mr Foyle: There are children on the premises!
- Siegfried Farnon: Your point being?
- Mr Foyle: I'll thank you to modify your language!
- Siegfried Farnon: I'll thank you to mind your own bloody business!
- Marjorie (Pony Owner): Well if you allot for his shoes.
- James Herriot: Yes, I have, but as you can see, he's well over thirteen hands. He's actually almost fourteen hands.
- Teenage Boy: That's not what me dad says.
- James Herriot: Well your dad's wrong!
- Teenage Boy: We'll see about that.
- Chestnut Pony Owner: What about the shoes? You've got to allot for the shoes!
- James Herriot: Yes, I have, but. He doesn't have any shoes!
- Tristan Farnon: [about James being the vet for the fair for the first time] Two bob says he won't last past lunchtime.
- Mrs Hall: Honestly, Tristan!
- Tristan Farnon: Ah, remember when Greer did it. Drunk by midday. Fred, punch boil in the mouth.
- Siegfried Farnon: Morning's not the problem. It's the pony measure. Gets them every time.
- Siegfried Farnon: [in a counter bet to Tristan, they shaking on it] Two bob, three-thirty.
- Tristan Farnon: What do you say, Mrs. Hall. Do you think he'll make it to the family pets?
- Mrs Hall: [defiantly] I most certainly do. And I don't approve of gambling.
- Mrs Hall: [she begins to walk away, then abruptly turns around] Two bob, six o'clock. Not a minute sooner.