- Tracy Jordan: This is something I've never told anyone. This is my terrible secret. In the 20 years that I've known her I've never cheated on my wife. There. I said it. Don't look at me.
- Jack Donaghy: Wait a minute. That can't be the truth.
- Tracy Jordan: The partying is just for show. And because I'm a high-functioning alcoholic. All the phone numbers you see me hand out, they're not even mine.
- Brian Williams: [cut to Brian Williams sitting in his living room and answering the phone] No, this isn't Tracy Jordan.
- [pauses]
- Brian Williams: Really? I've not heard of that term before. Do you know how to get to Connecticut?
- Jenna Maroney: I met this cute paramedic yesterday. He thinks I'm incredible. We're perfect for each other. But he left before I could get his name.
- Pete Hornberger: I'm sure there's a way to find out.
- Jenna Maroney: I called 911. They wouldn't even connect me to their celebrity service!
- Liz Lemon: Elisa has a terrible secret. My current theory is she's the mother of those Michael Jackson kids!
- Jenna Maroney: It's my fault. I did it. I just wanted that hot EMT to come back. I didn't mean for it to go this far. I'm so sorry But I am not a monster. I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy she poisoned so this other boy would go to town on her.
- Jack Donaghy: Being in a relationship means overlooking certain flaws. I mean, somewhere right now a guy is on a J-Date with Monica Lewinsky. Nobody's perfect.
- Dot Com: [Angie wants Tracy to get a tattoo of her] How about this? You get the tattoo, but when you hit the clubs, you draw a mane around the face with marker and make it look like a lion named "Tangiers".
- Tracy Jordan: [Dotcom holds up his xeroxed copy of the drawing] Dotcom, that's a great idea. If you want everyone to think I own a gay lion! "Tangiers"?
- Grizz: No judgment in brainstorming.
- Tracy Jordan: This is my reputation we're talking about here. Use your heads!
- Dot Com: [Tracy storms out]
- [to no one]
- Dot Com: The Moroccan national soccer team is the Lions. Tangiers is in Morocco, so yeah, I guess I'm an idiot.