- Wendy Simms: So if you're having some fantasies about me dressed up in a tin foil bikini dancing around in a casbah on a strange alien planet then... *good.*
- David Hodges: Good?
- Wendy Simms: Yes, *good.* Because it means you're not as oblivious as everyone around here seems to think you are.
- Greg Sanders: [after watching the fanboys denounce "Astro Quest Redux"] So let me get this straight: some nerd takes a cheesy '60s sci-fi show and turns it into something a little more realistic - minus the spaceship, of course - and the other nerds get pissed off enough that they beat him up and kill him over it?
- Archie Johnson: People don't like it when you mess with their heroes.
- Nick Stokes: [interviewing a bartender in alien makeup] Well, there's nothing worse than a bunch of drunk conventioners. Must be hard enough to sling drinks without making you play dress-up.
- William: [removes his alien headpiece to reveal extensive facial scarring] How do you like this makeup? Got it on my second tour of Afghanistan. These Astro Questers, they believe in a future where human beings, they transcend their differences. I wouldn't mind living in a world like that.
- Nick Stokes: [chastened] Yeah, me either.
- Jonathan Danson: My name is Jonathan Danson, and I'm here to set you free. Free from a vision of an antiseptic future filled with... with heroes and heroines who are always steadfast and well-adjusted and altruistic. Like most of you, I grew up with "Astro Quest." Every Thursday night my dad would gather the family around our TV to watch the latest episode. I loved it! But the older I got, the more the mythology began to eat away at my soul. I couldn't measure up to the brave crew of that perfect ship. I wasn't handsome, courageous and strong, I was weak, petty, self-destructive and I hated myself for it. But then, one night it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I looked around the bar at the other frightened, sad people and I said to myself "Do you see an Artemus Bishop here? Do you see one at work?" People, look around you! Do you see an Artemus Bishop anywhere? Of course not, because he's a fictional construct, a phantom who whispers "You are not enough!" Well, I am here to show you who we really are. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Astro Quest Redux!"