Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009 Video Game)

Mark Hamill: The Joker, Scarface

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Joker : [Over the P.A. system]  Tell me Bats. What are you really scared of? Failing to save this cesspool of a city? Not finding the Commissioner in time? Me, in a thong?

• Young Gordon : Come on, kid, this way. Take a seat in my office.

  Cop #1 : Is he okay?

  Cop #2 : He'll be fine. Kid like that, with all that money? He'll be just fine.

  Young Gordon : Shut up, now! He's eight years old and all alone! Money won't fix that.

  Cop #2 : Whatever you say, Gordon. His butler's on his way to pick him up. You hear that? He's got a butler.

  Young Gordon : I'm sorry about that. I just need to ask you some questions. Can I get you anything? You okay?

  [silence] 

  Young Gordon : I know you don't feel like answering me, but it's the only way to catch who did this.

  Young Bruce Wayne : [crying]  Why did he do it, Officer? Why?

  Young Gordon : I don't know. It's this city, there's something wrong with it. And listen, son, call me Jim.

• The Joker : [to Batman]  You had to spoil everything: beating up Bane, feeding Scarecrow to Croc, slapping around Harley, *my* hobby, by the way, and ruining all my lovely Venom plants!

  Batman : It's over, Joker.

  The Joker : Over? Why, my dear delusional Dark Knight, it hasn't even begun.

• Poison Ivy : You will pay, Batman. For hurting my babies.

  The Joker : Oh God... Does she ever stop going on about those plants of hers?

  Poison Ivy : When I finish with Batman, I'll be coming after you, Joker!

  The Joker : Will you really. Well, that's gratitude, isn't it? Women! You give'em presents, experimental chemicals and nice costumes and they still turn on you.

• The Joker : I want everyone to know that I really appreciate all the hard work. You know, watching you guys is like a night in, watching my favorite movie. What was the name of that movie again? Oh, yes. Attack of the stupid bungling idiots who can't find an bigger idiot running around dressed like a bat! Now get to it!

  [yawns] 

  The Joker : I'm getting bored.

• The Joker : [Joker has just injected himself with Titan]  I can take it... I can take anything you throw at me, Bats. You can't beat me this time, I'm actually going to win! Ready for the next round?

  Batman : Always.

  The Joker : *What*?

  Batman : I'll never let you win. *Never*!

• The Joker : [as he is being transferred to his cell, the elevator comes up carrying Killer Croc]  Can you smell the excitement in the air? No? Hmm... must have been one of the guards, then. Croc, old boy, is that you?

  Frank Boles : Get ready: keep your weapons trained on it at all times.

  Guard : He looks angry.

  [Croc stands] 

  Guard : Man, that thing looks pissed.

  Frank Boles : What's it doing?

  Killer Croc : [Croc sniffs the air, then lurches forward]  I've got your scent, Batman. I will hunt you down!

  Louie Green : Power up the collar! Get that animal under control! Now! Get that thing outta here, now!

  Killer Croc : [Croc is shocked with the collar]  A toy collar won't stop me from killing you, Batman. I'll rip you apart, eat your bones...

  [he is taken away] 

  The Joker : That reminds me, I really need to get me some new shoes.

• The Joker : [during a patient interview]  He's crazy, you know.

  Harley Quinn : Who, Batman?

  The Joker : No, Santa Claus. Of course Batman! Always Batman!

• The Joker : [the Joker plays with the Scarface puppet, as Batman approaches him]  Why didn't you stop Batman?

  Scarface : [puppeted by Joker]  *Me*? It was *your* plan, you goofy clown!

  The Joker : Ah! I'm sending you back to the Ventriloquist where you belong!

  [throws Scarface away] 

• The Joker : Let's talk about employee relations, Bats. Harley disappointed me and now she's out the picture. Gone. Forgotten. Dead to me. You get the picture. What's it like in your organization? Do you punish your hired help who fail you, or is making him wear that saucy outfit punishment enough?

• The Joker : Yawn-a-rooney. We both know you eat punks like that for breakfast. I've got some real surprises in store for you.

• The Joker : [on the asylum television sets]  *I'm* in control of the asylum. You're not going anywhere I don't want you to. Understand?

  Batman : If you think I'll let you run...

  The Joker : Blah, blah, blah! Always with the hero speak! I'm getting bored of watching you. Why don't you just come find me?

• The Joker : Come on boys! He's just one man! One man dressed like a lunatic and armed to the teeth.

  [laughs] 

  The Joker : Go get him!

• The Joker : [Over P.A System, about Batman]  Remember guys, he may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot.

• Commissioner Gordon : You took longer than I expected.

  Batman : Joker's out of control, he's trying to prove something. I'm not sure I can stop him this time.

  Commissioner Gordon : You'll do it. Listen, Batman, we're not alone. He's got someone down there...

  The Joker : What a blabbermouth! Spoiling the suprise!

  Batman : Be quiet.

  The Joker : Am I getting to you? Am I? Good.

• The Joker : Paging Dr Bat, paging Dr Bat, is there a Dr Bat in the room?

• The Joker : Oh, Harley was just a warm-up, Bats. And to be fair, to the little scamp, she did an okay job. Let's call it a B+. But between you and me, I'm aiming for the A grade.

  The Joker : Just got to mix a couple more of these chemicals and I'll be creating my own personal army! Ha!

• The Joker : Has anyone seen the Bat? Come on, someone must have seen where he went. Big scary man, wears a cape, jumps out of the shadows and beats up useless thugs. Anyone? No? Ha, good.

• The Joker : Are they ready? Have you planted the explosives yet?

  Henchman #6 : Done!

  Henchman #4 : Razor's just finishing his off now.

  The Joker : Goood. Let's test em out!

  Razor : No! No! I'm still up...

  [Screams and falls off the gargoyle] 

  The Joker : Ooops.

  [laughs] 

• The Joker : [over the P.A]  Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard!

• The Joker : Welcome to the madhouse, Batman! I set a trap and you sprang it gloriously! Now let's get this party started.

• The Joker : Hey Bats, go easy on him, will you? For me...? Oh hell, what do I care? Do your worst!

  [laughs] 

• The Joker : [Batman is taking out the Joker's guards, one by one]  Come on, Bats! Leave 'em alone! For me...? Be your best friend!

  [laughter] 

• The Joker : Note to self, need more henchman, good ones this time.

• The Joker : These are my best men, Bats. I won't stop until you're dead, or they are.

  [laughter] 

• The Joker : [to his goons]  Harley tells me the Batman's car is still parked right outside Intensive Treatment. We can't have him up and leave us! Every thug, villain, murderer and kindergarten teacher that isn't carrying out party orders should head there now and smash it to pieces!

• The Joker : I said I wanted him stopped, and no one listened! It's like you don't want an outbreak of Titan-enhanced mutant babies climbing over Gotham!

• The Joker : [after Batman has defeated yet another group of henchmen]  Did I tell you I was going to kill each henchman who failed to beat you? No? Oh, sorry, musta slipped my mind.

• The Joker : Seeing as how I'm feeling generous, I'm going to give you a free shot! Shoot me now, and finish it all forever!

  [Batman draws his Batarang... and stops himself] 

  The Joker : You're just too predictable, Batsy. Must go! Party preparations, I'm inviting EVERYONE...

• The Joker : Oh, there you are. I was just listening to Zsasz making the good doctor scream while you played around in Scarecrow's world. How was it this time? Learn anything about yourself? Come on, tell me, I'm all ears. Actually, that reminds me, I could have sworn I heard Zsasz cutting her ears off. It certainly sounded like it.

• The Joker : [after Batman has defeated yet another group of henchmen]  He's taken out all of you AGAIN...? What does it take? An army of *monsters*?

  [laughter] 

• The Joker : Ah, it's always nice to return to my sweet little ha-ha-hacienda.

• The Joker : [Over the P.A. system]  Ding d-ding, dong! Joker here! Here's what's new in the asylum... Some idiot is running around the asylum, dressed like a bat...! I know! Crazy! He should be considered costumed and dangerous.

  [laughter] 

• The Joker : [as they move through the weapons check]  Oooh! What did you sneak in, Bats? You can tell me. Batarangs? Batclaws? Batsnacks?

• The Joker : [after Bane throws Batman through a brick wall]  Play nice, Ladies.

• The Joker : How about a hand for Mr. Cash? He could sure use one. Ha ha ha.

  Aaron Cash : You'll be laughing out of your butt when I get out of here!

  The Joker : Lighten up, homes. I'm just messin' with ya.

  Aaron Cash : Can't wait to return the favor.

• The Joker : Need to take my temperature? I'd be happy to drop my pants.

• Batman : Tell me something, you've never let me capture you this easily. What are you really planning?

  The Joker : Oh, nothing much. Hundreds dying in pain and fear, all their meaningless lives brought to a horrifying conclusion. All thanks to you and a book of matches. Was that the answer you wanted?

• The Joker : [as he is brought into the asylum]  Hey, Sharpie. Love what you've done with the place.

  Quincy Sharp : That's *Warden* Sharp to you.

• The Joker : What's that you got there, Bats? No! Not the formula! What am I going to do? Who can help me now? What's that? How about our old friend Zsasz? Well I did bump into him on the way back from the gardens where he was no doubt acting out some twisted fantasy. Maybe he can get her talking? I think he probably can. Great plan, Bats!

• The Joker : Having a little trouble up there?

  Batman : Joker.

  The Joker : You were expecting maybe Two Face?

• The Joker : Hey, Bats, I know you can hear me. I want you to hurt these guys. They're nothing to me!

• The Joker : Anyone feeling a little stressed down there? Your heart racing? Well, get a grip and stop the Bat, or I'll fix your blood pressure... PERMANENTLY!

• The Joker : You do not listen to me! I wanted him stopped, but you let him through! Try harder or I'll... I'll hurt you... badly.

• The Joker : [after Batman has taken out all of the Joker's guards]  You...! Oh, why you...! Oh, Batman... I'm really gonna have to hunt you down and kill you one of these days!

  [laughter] 

• Batman : [Batman finds the Joker]  There's no escape, Joker! I will find you!

  The Joker : Oh, I'm counting on it! Just not yet!

• The Joker : This island is under my control! That's right, boys and girls! Mine, mine, mine, mine! Oh, the plans I have for this place. It's going to be glorious!

• The Joker : [to his goons]  Don't worry guys,you can beat Batman, you're the best, at least the best I could find on such short notice

• The Joker : Ding dong. Warden Joker would like to announce that as of today, all Arkham guards have been fired due to budget cuts.

• The Joker : Listen, no more tricks. Just one last puzzle and you can have Gordon, and a little more. Oh ho, I can't wait.

• The Joker : Can you smell the excitement in the air? No? Hmm, musta been one of the guards then.

• The Joker : [as he is carried away to Patient Handover]  Sharpie loves his cameras. Hey Sharpie, ya gettin' my good side? Ah, but heck, they're *all* good, aren't they?

  Quincy Sharp : I want him securely locked away this time. Another escape and I will lose support for my mayoral campaign.

  The Joker : Look at all this new security: how's a guy supposed to break out of here?

• The Joker : Wee! Great night for a party.

  Batman : Not where you're going.

  The Joker : The night is young, Bats. I still have a trick or two up my sleeve. I mean, don't you think it's a little bit funny how a fire at Blackgate caused hundreds of my crew to be moved here?

  Frank Boles : I thought I told you to stay quiet!

  The Joker : Oh Frankie, you really should learn to keep that fat mouth of yours shut. It'll get you into trouble.

• The Joker : [to Guard Aaron Cash]  There'll be time soon enough for you Cash, speaking of time, tick tock, tick tock. Is that a crocodile I hear?