- Connie: Hey, as soon as he showed up, no more Depression Kitty, no more Anxiety Mosquito, no more Self-Harm Walrus.
- Jessi Glaser: Who's that?
- Connie: Oh, nobody. Don't worry about it... But DO let me know if you see him.
- Coach Steve: Did you know all those people died on my birthday?
- Matthew MacDell: Uh... yes.
- Coach Steve: And you didn't tell me? Why?
- Matthew MacDell: Well, I thought it was funny, but now I'm not so sure. Kind of like Ace Ventura.
- Andrew Glouberman: Hey guys, look at this! Michael Angelo put me in his dope-ass art. I'm an indictment of society.
- Connie: I'm your hormone monstress, baby. I know everything. I'm watching you when you sleep, when you pee-pee, when you poo-poo.
- Nick Birch: What? You're watching me while I shit?
- Connie: Well, I'm into poo-poo.
- Connie: I'm not gettin' on the bus, baby.
- Nick Birch: Why? Because it smells like B.O. and jizz?
- Connie: Naw! Those are my favorite smells. You know that.