Mary Kay Place: Loretta Haggers

Quotes 

• Charlie Haggers : You really planning to sell that fella's song for him in Nashville?

  Loretta Haggers : Yeah, I got to, y'know, I gave him my word.

  Charlie Haggers : That's a terrible song! And after what he had in mind to do to you.

  Loretta Haggers : Oh, honey, both he and his song are just sickeningly tacky, you know? But I tell you, dear, when a man gives you a choice between sellin' his song or rapin' ya, I'm gonna pick sellin' his song!

• Charlie Haggers : I sure am ashamed of how useless I was to you.

  Loretta Haggers : Oh, honey, you couldn't help it. Just think of it as an experience, y'know? I mean, all artists have to have experiences 'cause they're the inspirations for their songs, y'know? It's like, already in the back of my head, there's been a song formin' in my mind about this. I've already got a few lines. Listen to this: "My love can have my - !" You know, it's real hard to sing when you're sitting down and you've got a stomach full of Oreos. "My love can can have my body / I'm glad he finds it fun! / But no one else can touch it / unless he's got a gun!"

  Charlie Haggers : I love it, I love it! It's got a great beat!

• Loretta Haggers : [regains consciousness, groggy]  What happened?

  Charlie Haggers : Oh, honey, we had an accident, hit a station wagon full of nuns.

  Loretta Haggers : A station wagon full of nuns? Is that a sin?

  Charlie Haggers : Well, baby, if you're Catholic, but we're not Catholic.

  Loretta Haggers : Oh, good. I mean, you know, under the circumstances and everything, no offense to the Catholics.