Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Baseball Was Better with Steroids (2009)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Charlie Harper : Jake's in the bathroom. He's either finishing breakfast or starting lunch.
Herb : Well, he's a growing boy.
Charlie Harper : He's a growing pain in my ass.
Alan Harper : He says that with love.
Charlie Harper : No, I say it with a dull, throbbing pain in my ass.
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Jake Harper : What's your movie idea?
Alan Harper : It's about a man who finds himself at a crossroads in his life.
Jake Harper : You know what I think of that movie? Boring! Rated G... A,Y.
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Charlie Harper : Alan, smack your kid for me.
Alan Harper : Should we really risk more brain damage?
Jake Harper : Thanks for sticking up for me, Dad.
Alan Harper : Oh, hey! You'll never guess who I ran into.
Jake Harper : Kobe Bryant?
Alan Harper : No.
Jake Harper : Lauren Conrad?
Alan Harper : No.
Jake Harper : Sean "P. Diddy" Combs?
Alan Harper : What is wrong with you?
[Turning toward Charlie]
Alan Harper : No, I... I ran into Mia at the coffee shop.
Charlie Harper : You're kidding!
Alan Harper : No. Apparently, she's single again and living in L.A.
Jake Harper : What's wrong with *you*?
Charlie Harper : So... Mia. How'd she look?
Alan Harper : Better than ever.
Charlie Harper : Damn. What'd she say?
Alan Harper : Uh, she said to give you her best.
Charlie Harper : That's it?
Alan Harper : Pretty much.
Charlie Harper : How'd she say it?
Alan Harper : Whadda ya mean?
Charlie Harper : I mean was it perfunctory or was there subtext?
Jake Harper : Per-func-tory... That could be my rap name: M.C. Perfunctory.