- Coby Fowler: [to Eric] Can we see your fangs?
- Eric Northman: [draws his fangs as Lisa flinches] Don't you like vampires, little girl?
- Sam Merlotte: [chafed] Eric!
- Lisa Fowler: Our almost step-dad hated vampires, but we don't.
- Coby Fowler: He went on a vacation with Jesus.
- Pam: [miffed] You make me so happy I never had any of you.
- Eric Northman: Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.
- Jason Stackhouse: You think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg? Wouldn't that be weird, eating something just came out of you?
- Andy Bellefleur: What kind of a perverted brain would even think of something like that?
- Eric Northman: I have no knowledge of this maenad creature, although I suspect it's the bullheaded beast that passed through recently. Right Pam?
- Pam: That thing owes me a pair of shoes!
- Sophie-Anne: [about Bill & Eric] All this alpha-male posturing. Why don't the two of you just fuck each other and get it over with...? I could watch.
- Sophie-Anne: Less than two hours til dawn. Shall we have sex?
- [Bill gives her a look]
- Sophie-Anne: Kidding. I haven't enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration.
- Bill Compton: I need to know how to kill a maenad.
- Sophie-Anne: A maenad, in Bon Temps? That's random.
- Bill Compton: Yes. She seems to have caused some sort of mass hypnosis. The whole town has devolved to a primitive state in a matter of days.
- Sophie-Anne: Oh my. She's an old one. Well, they're all old. Relics.
- Bill Compton: Ancient Greece, correct?
- Sophie-Anne: Before that even. Orgies, sacrifice?
- Bill Compton: Yes.
- Sophie-Anne: Cannibalism?
- Bill Compton: We suspect.
- Sophie-Anne: Oh, fun!
- Bill Compton: So, how do I kill it?
- Sophie-Anne: You can't. She's convinced herself she's immortal and so she is.
- [Bill looks confused]
- Sophie-Anne: William surly you know everything that exists imagined itself into existence.
- Bill Compton: Umm... I'm not entirely familiar with that theory, no.
- Sophie-Anne: [musing] Well, think about it. Imagine that you're a wild young girl who's married to some jerk who treats you like property and is also fucking some 14-year-old boy. And along comes this religion which encourages you to get hammered, run naked through the woods, have sex with who ever, what ever, and it's all part of getting closer to God?
- Bill Compton: I can see how that would have it's appeal, especially to humans with their tendencies towards puritanism.
- Sophie-Anne: Exactly! So you're fucking everybody in the dirt, why not kill something and eat it raw? Hey, you're super pious. There's nothing you can't do and each time you do, it brings you one step closer to the divine.
- Bill Compton: Isn't that delusional?
- Sophie-Anne: Never under-estimate the power of blind faith. It manifests in ways that bend the laws of physics or breaks them entirely.
- Bill Compton: I bit her and it poisoned me.
- Sophie-Anne: Of course it did. We can only drink human blood, and she's no longer even remotely human.
- Bill Compton: But she started out as human?
- Sophie-Anne: Hello. Evolution? We started out that way too.
- Sookie Stackhouse: How's your leg?
- Lafayette Reynolds: [flexing his knee] Better than ever.
- Sookie Stackhouse: How'd that happen?
- Lafayette Reynolds: Eric made me drink his mother-fuckin' blood is how that happened.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Me too. He tricked me!
- Lafayette Reynolds: Somebody need to slap that bitch.
- Sookie Stackhouse: I have.
- Lafayette Reynolds: [proud] Look at you.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Have you had... any dreams about him?
- Lafayette Reynolds: [incredulously] Now Sook, how would you know about that?
- Sookie Stackhouse: What kind of dreams?
- Lafayette Reynolds: Like he's always in my head. And sex dreams is all kinda nasty and fantastic, which freaks me the fuck outs because I hates that mother-fucker more than you'll ever know.
- Eric Northman: Why should I help you... shifter?
- Sam Merlotte: Because I need 'your' help. We need it and hopefully some day I might be able to give you something you need.
- Eric Northman: Can you give me Sookie Stackhouse?
- Sam Merlotte: No.
- Eric Northman: Well that's a shame. That would be a tribute I would not soon forget.
- Sam Merlotte: [irate] I'm not here to give you tribute, Eric.
- Eric Northman: No, you're here to request my help based on a hypothetical future in which you return the favor... But you are known not to be to friendly towards those like me. Why should I trust you?
- Sam Merlotte: Because until somebody starts trusting somebody, we're all single targets just right for the picking.
- Sophie-Anne: Maenads are sad, silly things... the world changed centuries ago and they're still waiting for the God who comes.
- Bill Compton: Does 'he' ever come?
- Sophie-Anne: Of course not. Gods never actually show up, they only exist in humans' minds, like money and morality.
- Bill Compton: If I can't kill her, how do I get her to leave Bon Temps?
- Sophie-Anne: She has to believe she successfully summoned forth Dionysus in hope he will ravage her and quite literally devours her until she is lost into oblivion.
- Bill Compton: So she seeks death? The true death. The only thing she has evolved beyond.
- Sophie-Anne: Ironic, isn't it? You know, they're really not that smart, these maenads.
- Bill Compton: So how does she summon this non-existent god of hers?
- Sophie-Anne: I never said he was non-existent. I just said he never comes. She believes if she finds the perfect vessel, sacrifices and devours part of him or her, plus surrounded by the magic of her familiars then her mad god will appear. At that point when she willingly surrenders herself to him...
- Bill Compton: That's the only point she can be killed.
- Bill Compton: [as he leaves the Queen's house] What are you doing here?
- Eric Northman: Hopin' the Queen knows how to kick some maenad's ass.
- Bill Compton: [skeptical] Now why would you do that? So that you look like a hero to Sookie?
- Eric Northman: [smoothing his hair] Oh Billy, this paranoia is really quite unbecoming. Has she, uh, mentioned me?
- Bill Compton: No. That was really quite desperate of you. Tricking her into drinking your blood, so that she'd become attracted to you.
- Eric Northman: Unlike you, who fed her your own blood the very night you met.
- Bill Compton: How do you know that?
- Eric Northman: So you're not denying it.
- Bill Compton: I was saving her life.
- Eric Northman: Isn't that convenient.
- Bill Compton: You stay away from Sookie, Eric or I will tell the Queen you are forcing humans to sell vampire blood for you.
- Eric Northman: [ominous] You wouldn't.
- Bill Compton: I won't... as long as you never come close to Sookie ever again.
- Eric Northman: I don't like threats, Bill.
- Bill Compton: Neither do I.
- [walks away]
- Jason Stackhouse: Why ain't you never liked me, Andy? Was it because of how much pussy I get?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: No.
- Jason Stackhouse: 'Cause I ain't never taken any pussy away from you. There is more than enough pussy to go around.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: It ain't about pussy! I just think you've had everything to easy.
- Jason Stackhouse: What have I ever had that was easy?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: You were all-state quarter back.
- Jason Stackhouse: You think that was easy? I'm startin' to have knee issues and I ain't even thirty yet. What else?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: Well yeah, women do just throw themselves at you. You don't even have to do anything.
- Jason Stackhouse: Yeah well, actually I do. I work out like a mother-fucker and I watch a lotta porn to learn stuff. What else?... My best friend killed my grandma and my girlfriend. I come from no money. My momma and daddy died when I was eleven.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: So did mine!
- Jason Stackhouse: Your daddy died in Vietnam, but your momma ran off with some yankee race car driver. You may hate me, Andy Bellefleur. You may think you're better than me and maybe you are. But you and me are the ones who have received the callin' to save this town! So obviously God wants us to bury the hatchet.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: [understanding] It's all up to us, aint' it?
- Jason Stackhouse: It is and we can't fuck it up.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: [certain] We won't fuck it up.
- Jason Stackhouse: This town might be full of crazy rednecks and dumb-asses, but they're still Americans.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: That used to mean something.
- Jason Stackhouse: It still does!
- Jason Stackhouse: You think Sam's ever turned into a dog and then had s*x with a lady dog?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: Jesus, Jason, you're talkin' about bestiality!
- Jason Stackhouse: No, it ain't bestiality if there ain't a human involved.
- Bill Compton: [watching Sophie-Anne feed on her female slave Hadley's thighs] Uh... is this a bad time?
- Sophie-Anne: [straightening] Bad time? There's no such thing as bad or time for that matter. Wanna join me?
- Hoyt Fortenberry: [pulling her back] You lost your mind?
- Jessica Hamby: Did you hear all those things she said about you and me?
- Hoyt Fortenberry: She's my momma. She gets to! 'The hell are you from?
- Jessica Hamby: [crying] I'm sorry.
- Tara Thornton: [pleading to Sookie] We have to go get him. Eggs needs to get out now! How many times have you put yourself in danger for the man you love? How come you get that option and I don't? I finally found a strong, beautiful man who loves me, and y'all wanna keep me from rescuing him because you're afraid I might get hurt? How hurt do you think I'm gonna be if we wait and something happens to him!
- Jason Stackhouse: [as they clean up Merlotte's] Seriously, you can become any animal, any time?
- Sam Merlotte: Yes as long as I imprint on them.
- Jason Stackhouse: That is fuckin' cool man.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: Yeah well as cool as that may be, we still got a maenad we gotta deal with before it takes our whole town out.
- Sam Merlotte: Listen, you can't deal with it. Alright? Your best bet's to leave while you still can.
- Jason Stackhouse: Shouldn't was at least get the law involved?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: [offended] I am involved!
- Jason Stackhouse: There's Sheriff Dearborne, Kenya, the other guy... the squirrely one.
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: Sheriff's station was wide open and empty. It ain't gonna help.
- Jason Stackhouse: Then "we" are the law. Guys, I read a book about this. This is armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war... we need weapons. Lots of them.
- Sam Merlotte: Listen, I hate to break it to you but guns aren't going to do jack-shit to Maryann and you can't shoot anybody else. These are our friends. This is our town.
- Jason Stackhouse: Sometimes you need to destroy something to save it. That's in the Bible or the Constitution.
- Lafayette Reynolds: What was it like inside Tara's head?
- Sookie Stackhouse: Like there was no limit. Like anything could happen and probably will. You feel your insides expanding but there's also this... this emptying out right at the very center of your being and you don't want it to stop, ever.
- Lafayette Reynolds: Damn, that's deep.
- Tara Thornton: Eggs?
- Eggs: [tranced out] Baby, where you been? I-I was so scred. Don't ever leave me again.
- Tara Thornton: I won't, I promise. I love you. we gotta get you outta her, okay. Let's go some where else, please.
- [when he doesn't move]
- Tara Thornton: Listen to me.
- Maryann Forrester: [from behind her] But everything you want is right here. I knew you'd come.
- Tara Thornton: No. I don't know what you are, but I want out!
- Maryann Forrester: Oh, it's too late for that.
- Tara Thornton: You made me eat somebody's heart!
- Maryann Forrester: And you loved it. Admit it.
- Tara Thornton: You don't want us. You want Sam. we ain't got nothin' to do with it.
- Maryann Forrester: Nothing to do with it? 'You' summoned 'me'.
- Tara Thornton: [confusingly shocked] What?
- Maryann Forrester: That night in the woods with that unfortunate pharmacist. You saw me. Well you saw 'you' through me.
- [flashs back to the fake exorcism]
- Tara Thornton: But Miss Jeanette was a fake. She scammed people by makin' up crazy rutals.
- Maryann Forrester: A ritual is a powerful thing and calling forth that kind of energy... that's god's ritual.
- Tara Thornton: She was real?
- Maryann Forrester: Sadly no. I should've known she wasn't the vessel, but you have to try every option.
- Maxine Fortenberry: [tranced] Maryann will remember this day for the rest of her life. I don't have heart to tell her it's all down hill from here.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: What the hell are you talkin' about?
- Maxine Fortenberry: 'Cause there ain't no woman alive who'd go through with it if she knew the truth.
- Sookie Stackhouse: [in the trees, looking at her home] My gran lived and died in that house and now it's like people who were the exact opposite of everything she was... are defiling her... I almost got raped in Dallas, but this is so much worse.
- Lafayette Reynolds: Don't take it personal, Sook. They ain't themselves and they're not doin' it on purpose.
- Sookie Stackhouse: First time I met Maryann I knew there was somethin' seriously off about her. She was thinkin' creepy foreign stuff and I could tell it wasn't good.
- Lafayette Reynolds: You couldn't have stopped this.
- Sookie Stackhouse: How come there's so much wrong in the world, Lafayette? How come so many people are willing to do bad things and hurt other people?
- Lafayette Reynolds: 'Cause they're weak.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Well I am not weak and I am not afraid! I am gonna kick that evil bitch's ass outta my gran's house.
- Sophie-Anne Leclerq: Have you eaten?
- Bill Compton: Not tonight, but...
- Sophie-Anne Leclerq: I have several new members of court. A Latvian boy. Has to be tasted to be believed. Not polluted like most humans. Tastes exactly the way they used to taste just after I was turned. Before the Industrial Revolution f****d everything to hell. Should I summon him?
- Bill Compton: No, thank you.
- Jason Stackhouse: Shouldn't was at least get the law involved?
- Detective Andy Bellefleur: [offended] I am involved!
- Jason Stackhouse: Well, I meant Sheriff Dearborne, Kenya, that other guy, the squirrelly one...
- Lisa Fowler: Sam, did you know my daddy?
- Sam Merlotte: I did not. Your mom... she split up with him before I came to town. I heard about him, though.
- Lisa Fowler: What did you hear?
- Sam Merlotte: That... he was... he was a bit of a wild card, with a big personality.
- Lisa Fowler: I don't even know what he looks like. Mama cut him out of all the picture she had. All I know is his name's Dwayne, and he tattooed Mama's name on his stomach.
- Sam Merlotte: Well, he must have loved her a lot, because you know that hurt.
- Jason Stackhouse: You ain't got nothin' like grenades, flamethrowers?
- Rosie: I'll tell you. If you let me blow you.
- Jason Stackhouse: Rosie, I ain't never taken advantage of someone while she was fucked up.
- Rosie: What a liar! I know for a fact that Patsy Lyle passed out in the middle of having sex with you.
- Jason Stackhouse: She was fine when it started!
- Maxine Fortenberry: Lordy, boy, you are every bit as big a pansy as your daddy.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Daddy was a hero!
- Maxine Fortenberry: Daddy... was a secret drinker. You want to know what I really think? A closet homosexual. That man just liked to dance more than a normal man should.
- Arlene Fowler: Y'all are trespassin'. You're gonna have to pay a fine.
- Terry Bellefleur: Yeah. Or go to the brig.
- Arlene Fowler: The fine is a hundred million dollars... and your pants.
- Maryann Forrester: Horse nettle. Also known as bull nettle, the Devil's tomato, and my personal favorite, the apple of Sodom. It's quite poisonous. But in the tiniest of doses, a savory addition to any wine-based sauce. Gives it a pungent hint of madness. A little touch of total abandon.
- Mike Spencer: Funny thing is, I've always hated blood. Yeah, I never wanted to be a coroner or a undertaker. I wanted to be a DJ or a boat captain.
- Sophie-Anne: What gives you the right to say "no" to the femoral blood of a good human woman? You know what your problem is, William? You're a snob. I hate snobs. Tiny, tiny souls... or penises. Or Both.